Throwing stones at the greenhouse?
A student complained to me recently how nice it was to have me back at work, because then no one takes 2 hour breaks. Talk about a back handed compliment! Yes, I do rule with an iron fist. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But I have a very well-trained and organized staff with 2 exceptions. Stripey is the only one who we have to watch about breaks and paging. She usually disappears for hours in the stacks. For example we have 15 book requests. Any other staff member can do them in 30 minutes. (Okay 45 if all the carrels and book carts are checked )Those same call slips can take her an hour (if I'm lucky) and an hour and a half if I have a good snack in the break room. Reliable and anonymous sources throughout the library have reported back to me with comments like, "I asked that student to find something and she didn't know where it was." Another student remarks she heads to the nearest internet connected computer and surfs the net and sends and answers all her e-mail. Hmmm. I am waiting for reports that she is sleeping in the library. Then my boss will be forced to fire her ass and I can do the Hooray you're fired and don't let to door hit you as you leave dance. One can only hope.
In case you were in doubt
About whether its better on the outside or in. I got this sent to me in an email - its probably an oldie, but its a goodie. Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer. IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell. AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle. IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day. AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal unless you're a branch manager. IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior. IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet. AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat. IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family. IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON ........you must deal with sadistic fellow prisoners. AT WORK...........they are called co-workers.
A class in participation?
As you may know I have been improving myself yet again this semester. I like my class which I have mentioned, although I am not fond of my classmates. I realize I have not talked about my classmates much, (the less said the better, but since I need to blog about them I should introduce them to you all) First there are the Siamese lovers. You never see these two apart. SL1 takes the notes and seems to be the dominant one in that relationship. In the beginning of class I noticed whenever SL2 answered a question or wanted to say something she looked to SL1. Not a good sign for any relationship really. But hey, it's not my place to tell her that. I could care less about their relationship, and wouldn't have noticed actually except for two reasons. SL1 kept kicking my chair. He would stretch out and hit the chair so it wobbled. Then he'd put his feet under the chair and play with, actually moving it around while I WAS SITTING IN IT! I got fed up with that. So much so I moved. After that I became much more observant about where they were and when. Which is how I know about the second reason. They don't seem to like this class. I know that because they have said so. What I heard was "Well, this was another boring class." I wanted to say to them, "Maybe if you opened your mouth from one end of the hour to another it wouldn't be so bad." When the instructor asks questions very often they expect a response! "What do you study?,"came up recently and the other 4 just sat there and stared at him. Hey, guess even. SAY SOMETHING! I get tired of hearing my own voice answering the questions all the time. Just sitting there staring back at him was not a good participation move. You all do know we get graded on participation, right? Then there's Mr. Clueless, this is the guy who had the gall to ask me if I would 'help' him with his assignment. Invariably he asks a stupidly obvious question like "So these databases are electronic journals?" We spent a whole class on electronic journals and another separate class on database searching. How he combined the two is beyond my imagination. And then he wants to know how to get to the home page. We have to go over it like three times. And even then I'm not totally sure he gets it. Scary. The ref librarian asked me if he always has a meltdown when you show him computer stuff. She was stunned at his reaction a week ago when he asked her help. Then there's Silent Bob. I have no idea what his voice sounds like. I don't think he's opened his mouth once during the entire semester. So there you have it. These people are the future of scholarship and learning. My advice is to run for your lives.
#1 PP
Alright, I have decided who is my number 1 Problem Patron. Oh, could I type his name so you would all be warned... Top 10 Reasons he is my #1 PP: 10. He stinks. Really, really bad. Dude, you have to be a 6'2" yummy Irishman to get away with that much Old Spice. 9. He comes to the desk with a problem Every. Single. Day. 8. He's a TA and he NEVER does reserves right. He sends them late, I get complaints, he tells me I posted them too early, I posted them to late, he asks that they be posted at 9pm at night! 7. He's short. The short ones always seem to be annoying. 6. He has NO concept of personal space. I don't want anyone standing that close to me. Not even a 6'2" yummy Irishman. 5. He. Stinks. I exaggerate not, the air is polluted a good 10 minutes after he leaves a space. 4. He has stupid hair. I mean, it looks real cute on a 4 year old in a sailor suit, but dude it is NOT working for you. 3. For 2 months he had that unidentifiable goo between his eyebrows - gross! 2. He needs a paperclip, he needs a pencil, he needs a blue pen, the copier is out of paper, the printer has jammed, he can't find this book, how do reserves work, do we have his ILL, can he renew is ILL, he got an overdue notice, the light is out over his desk, the desktop wallpaper is too bright, can we post this reserve, its too cold, why have you stabbed me with a scissors? 1. He stinks!!! The obvious choice. Stinking every single day is the reason you got a scissors in your ear!
Lying
Here's a little tip for all you liars out there. Come up with something believable when you want a night off. Saying I have anthrax or the plague will get you the night off, but you can't come back to work. When faking an illness, go with the tip from Ferris Bueller. Non-specific is best. Stomach ailments, food poisoning no one is going to ask too much about. There are things we just don't want to know. Also when picking the previous committment lie make sure it's happening on that day. Such as a religious service or date. Make sure that the service happens. And it's best not to pick a person who is real and might choose to study in the library on that day. A friend from out of town is coming in. A family member or roommate from college are also good people to lie about. If you are a student say you have a paper due or an exam to study for. A presentation to give with your partners is another promising lie. Especially at the end of a semester. So I hope that you have all benefitted from this little tutorial. Now go out there and practise! Just not on me.
Let's all count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...
What is so hard to understand about a book is due in 2 days, then counting the days? People check out 2 days reserve items they are told exactly when something is due and also given a receipt with the exact time, not to mention they can look in their account to see the same information. Why then do they come in 3 days past the due time to return something and complain about when it is due? Patron: "I think this book is overdue." I check it in. "Yes, there's a $15 fine." Patron with outraged then confused expression. "But.." he points to the tape on the book which says in large bold letters 2 day reserve. Me: "Yes. That is a 2 day reserve item. It was due on March 30th" Then the patron starts to count on his fingers. "Why is it $15, shouldn't it be $10?" I tell him the due date and then count each day with him after that adding on the fine amount. Patron remains looking outraged and stomps away. Don't college admissions require basic math skills?! Aren't there also math requirements before graduation?! These people can't even count the number of days a 2 day reserve can be checked out or how many days late a book is after its overdue! I think I'm going to start living hard b/c I don't want to live to be old enough for these fools to be running things!
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