Librarian Ire

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Case of the Shrinking Pants

Evidence, while still circumstantial, appears overwhelmingly in favor of a pants theif here in my library.

An artist's rendering represents the progression of facts:

I believe the victim is now under the impression she has received fashion assistance in the form of capris.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Oooh NOOOO! It's the creature from the Clueless Lagoon!

I have had a sneak preview of what my life will be like this next year.
Despite my best efforts and the utter inanity of Dr. Nathan, he is back.
Yes. More fun on the weekends.
Here is a little sampling. He sends an e-mail confirming his schedule. And in it the boss said he will start work in September. So of course he does what any Nathan would do. He asks "Do you want me to start working this weekend?"
Sigh. No, we don't. You could try to work this weekend, but you'd piss off security and the library director.
We don't open on the weekends for the summer. Which he ought to know by now.
He has been here a full year. All of the library hours are pretty much the same. We posted them on the websites and on library entrances. I bet they even do announcements at some places.
And the worst part is he knows when classes start. So anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure out that Hey, I don't have to work on the weekends until September. Or anyone who reads their e-mail.
I don't even think his elevator leaves the ground never mind hit the top floor.
And to top it off, the boss told me that she thought he wasn't really the right personality type for the job.
So why did she re-hire him? It's a plot. I know it.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Not even gum?

Now that's a question that should not even be asked in a library. No we don't allow food in a library and that includes candy of any kind. So yes, gum is on that list.
It took me a moment to recover from her next question. Why don't you allow gum?

Gee, aside from the University food policy, which I just explained to you. We here at the library feel that it's a bad thing to have something you can stick to stuff. Chairs, tables, desks, computer monitors, keyboards, shelving units, and oh yeah BOOKS.

I have an addendum for the punishment code. Librarians are allowed to cut out tongues.

Oh god, Mondays

Isn't it nice to have new people come into the library? Today we had a lovely new international student who felt right at home in the library. Why, he had no problem standing at the desk, his forefinger up his right nostril to the second knuckle... picking away happily: "I can't find this book?" He says, digging around, trying to hand me a paper with the call # on it... ick. "No sir, I don't need to touch that piece of paper, I'll can see it just fine from here."


Friday, August 11, 2006

Lost and missing fiche

This comes under the heading of WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?
We just had a call from a recent graduate. She returned a fiche to either Library S or Library C. We never checked it in, because apparently she uses the fiche as bookmarks.
So now she wants to know why it's still on her account. This was an issue before graduation since she kicked up a fuss about it. Everyone was required to look out for it. And I mean everyone. In all the circulation desks on campus.
My boss called up every other circulation desk on campus as well as yelled and screamed at her usual monthly circulation meeting about putting our fiche in fiche envelopes so they DON'T get lost. No one found it.
I bet this kid's parents want to know why they have this library fine bill so they made her call us up. So we go throught our usual routine. I check her account and tell her what's still out. "I know that is still on my account, but I returned it!"
"Well, we double discharge everything so if it still here then we didn't get it."
"Oh I did return it. I returned it in a book. You must have gotten it by now."
" What book was it in?"
"I don't know but it's one in your system."
Oh goodie. My institution has 11 million items in "the system". I need a little something more. Which I tell her.
"So can't you look up what book I had out?"
"No, we don't have that information."
She was stunned that we don't keep such valuable information for posterity. So I have to explain to her about the U.S. Patriot Act(stupid legislation) and how we decided that it was too much of a risk and it violates university policy.
She wasn't impressed. In fact she claimed to know all that already. But if you know we didn't have that information why'd you ASK?
She told me she'd have to try to remember what she had checked out. Good luck honey!
She is going to call us back sometime. I am not holding my breath.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Hazard Pay

Look what greeted me today as I reached back into the dark cubby where the outside book return empties. It was just sitting there, above the box, waiting to jump on me as soon as I put my hand in. Well, I showed it! I made a student get the books. You won't get me today you hairy monster!

(Spider drawn to scale. Eep!)