Librarian Ire

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

On vacation

We'll both return next week with, hopefully, riveting stuff!

Be grumpy to some patrons for us!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


I am here. Bright and full of verve for the job.

Patron count: 2
Librarian count: 4
student workers: 2
# of lights on: 500
# computers running: 8

Loki has whipped out her calculator, estimated power & salaries costs the library about $900/patron.

Gee, this sort of thing doesn't have anything to do with our government deficits does it?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Little bastard.

Had a guy today complaining that he had been charged too much for one book. See, our signs advertise a reserve fine maximum and he had twice checked a book out and kept it for over two days each time amassing over $50 in fines. Which, is more than the 'maximum' we advertise for a book.

Yes, but that maximum is PER CHECKOUT!

This guy thought he could be overdue with a book as much as he wanted as long as he just paid that maximum once.

I almost want to give him credit for this excuse. Its rather ingenious. I've never heard it before, and technically, from the signage and policies posted one could interpret it this way. Mr. Smart Ass is on my list.


There was much amusement in the ranks yesterday. This is not a noted time for happiness in our library, since most everyone has gone on home.
The reason for our amusement was a graduation yesterday. The Nathan in training earned his Ph.D in stupidity. He is now a full fledged Nathan.
For those of you who are new to this blog we did post early on about Nathans so check the archives. January 2005 we talked a LOT about this.
We did not realize that there was going to be a graduation ceremony at the library or we would have brought web-cams and popcorn.
It started innocently. My two students were hanging at the desk having a light philosophical/political discussion. Hey, for them that was party small talk. Anyway. Then Nathan came in. He came back to the desk hung up his coat and proceeded to stand around and stare at us.

(A note here. After exams are over we feel no need to stay open 14 hours per day. We do 9-5. Exams ended two weeks ago. Holiday hours were posted on the door and various e-mails were sent by my boss and 2 deans informing everyone of this.)

Both the students and I thought he was here to do some last minute studying. Since he's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, we figured he got extensions on his papers.
But no. He was here to 'work'. But all he did was stand around and watch while the other 2 students did the work.
I was about to tell him to leave, when someone asked him what he was doing here.
He said I'm working, but there's three of us, so I don't have a lot to do.
So I tell him if he wants to work he can shelve books, but we do close in 45 minutes.
That was a shock to him. He thought we were open our usual hours.
Various incredulous looks were exchanged before we could formulate an answer to this stupidity.
I told him that the boss had sent a few e-mails about the hours changing, and pointed out the very artistic and informative poster on the door he just walked through.
Nathan, obviously can't read and hadn't been checking his e-mail "for a reason." He didn't deign to explain what the reason was and although we were all dying to know the reason it's best not to ask in case they actually answer.
So he went home after demonstrating why he earned his Ph.D. in stupidity. All we were missing was the video and the treats to make the day complete.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Just give me the book!

Or drop it on the counter, or HEY! Put in that slot, you know the one with the "Return books Here" right above it.

I am WAY freaking busy, and you're standing around is just gumming up my system!

"Do I have to return all my books before spring term?" Yes, and you can't ever check any out again. You have to use the online ones.

"Can I renew these 20 books I have brought in four boxes carried by assorted members of my family?" No! You can only renew your books from home. Take them away!

"Can I still check out books even though classes are over?" Fool! Books are only to be used when you have a class to go to.

"Is the library open?" That's it. It's on. Librarian Loki jumps the desk and attacks the patron. Go Loki!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Undies in a Bunch!

Apparently, today, the library using populace has their undies all bunched up, because all I've heard since I started 3 hours ago is bitch, bitch, bitch. Its not even important stuff and these people are screaming and complaining like I just gave them a body cavity search!

The carpet by the door is too wet.

Vehement screaming for a $1 fine ("No one told me it was a reserve book!" The fact that he got it at the Reserve Desk and it has a sticker on it saying "Reserve Book" is no excuse to charge him!)

whining about the gate alarm going off when he doesn't have any books.

The printer doesn't print fast enough.

Why aren't there more staplers?!

There's never a computer open when he comes!

Let me know if you readers are noticing this trend in your institution. With enough data I may be able to determine corollaries between the moon, the earth's axis, and crazy patrons.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ho, Ho, Ho. Yeah right.

The only way to keep any holiday spirit is to lock myself at home with Christmas specials and massive quantities of sugar.
Don't drive, don't talk to people, especially people at work, and don't go shopping. And with this economy who can afford to?

Besides the losers at work are starting to overrun the place.
First it's the whiny ones. One example is the guy who couldn't find a book and since it was so vital to his degree he pitched a fit. Because we couldn't find this one book which was duplicated in several other branches he concluded that our library is disorganized, poorly staffed, 'untidy', and have poor service.

So he wrote to the director outlining all the problems(as he saw it) and claiming that it's staff negligence that lost all the missing books that he has been unable to find over the last few years. That's pretty much a quote from his little rant.
What drugs are they giving you on your planet, you alien freak? And if you want better service maybe you should be nicer to the people you are asking something from.

And then there's the ones who can't read. If it says the book was returned yesterday, then it won't do you any good to recall the item. Idiot.

The third group really bugs me. Those are the ones who treat the place like their living room. So they hang out and chat with those people they deem 'worthy' ignoring the rest of us. They use their cell phones, and bring snacks, and walk around in their bare or stocking feet.
It amazes me really that these supposedly intelligent people have little or no clue on how to act in public.
The only thing they don't do is run around naked. And that's something to really be thankful for considering what some of them look like.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Quaking in my Boots

Ah, lost books.

Patron: "I returned the books so its on you to find them."
Me: "Our responsibility is to look for these books you believe you returned..."
Patron: "I know I returned them. If you can't find them that's your fault. But you have to take them off my record."
Me: "I'm sorry but we can't remove books from your record unless we have the books."
Patron: "It's not my fault you don't have the books. That is unacceptable. I returned them. This is bogus! I'm a registered student. I pay tuition. That gives me the right to certain university privileges, right? I have the right to use the library that is provided for with my tuition. Right? Wouldn't you agree?"
Me: "Sir, I certainly agree that if you are a registered student you get to use the library. You got to use the library when you checked out the books. If you don't bring the books back you don't get to continue to use the library. Books aren't free."
Patron: "Since you agree you have to take the books off my record. I insist that you do it right now."
Me: "I'm sorry..."
Patron: "I mean it! You had better removed those books, because I returned them."

Isn't this 20 year old full of righteous indignation? I mean, of course the library lost 4 books that he returned. That's not freakish odds or anything.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Happy Place!

Nothing keeps the pests away like happy flakes from above! It's better than ammonia