Librarian Ire

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

If I catch you you'll need more than

over the counter medications for messing up my books.
Several books came back with those colored plastic sticky tabs in them.
What is the point of putting a sticky tab on every freaking PAGE of the book???!!!! That sort of defeats the purpose!
One was an advertisement for Celebrex. When I get through with you arthitis pain will not be your main concern.
Those stupid sticky tabs RUIN books. As well as dog-eared pages(if you aren't a dog you don't need dog ears) and post-it notes.
Use a notebook to take notes!!! Don't highlight or write in books that don't belong to you. I wouldn't write graffiti all over your car if I borrowed it. Why would you do the same to books?

Oh my.

I just saw a hooker walk by out my window!

Now, a good niche market would be hooker shoes that are comfortable.


So, I just return from a nice vacation. I'm coming in with a serious case of ennui because, well, read the archives. I'm here 10 minutes when...

Yank Yank on the doors! We do NOT open for 20 minutes!!

What kind of freak of nature is unnecessarily up before 8am during summer break the day after memorial day??!

Oh! You see me standing at the desk looking at you like the dimwit you are? Sure, go ahead and pull on the doors again maybe I used my telekinetic abilities to unlock the doors from a distance in the last 30 seconds.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

If you want to be a weasel, I can be one too!

Somehow, a patron seems so much more stupid when they are being deliberately obtuse via email. When exactly was it that the rumor went around that librarians were dim-witted and easily out foxed?

So, this patron has sent a number of emails to us whining about a book that he has had recalled. "I'm out of the country I can't return it!" He wails. "Fine," I reply, "Until you return the book you'll be unable to use any of the library electronic stuff, renew books thus getting fines for other things, etc." I get a reply to that reply, "I'm out of the country! Its not my fault that I can't return the book, can you just give me the extension?" Sigh. "Actually it IS your fault. If you know you are going out of the country for a long period, return all your books. When you check them out you are informed that they can be recalled at any time. Penalties are automatic. Again, here is what will occur when the book moves to overdue..." AGAIN he replies, "I'm out of the country and can not return this book. Since this is not my fault, can't the penalties be waived?"

He can do this as many times as he wants, I'll just keep sending the same message back. Its annoying, but actually little work on my part, as I can just go into the sent folder and copy and paste the same reply. I'd love to try a sarcastic response like, "Why certainly we'll make exceptions for you! After all, its not your fault you didn't think ahead before going away for 2 months and return your library books. Why ever should you be treated just the same as the thousands of other library users?! Why, you're not even in the country!" Alas, it'd get sucked into that whirlwind of hot air between his ears and just swirl around and around before flying out through the right nostril.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Can someone explain

Maybe because it's Monday that I don't understand this. I know that ILL is a complex and mysterious thing so I might not understand all of it.
But what was the point of renewing an item that was returned to me the previous week?
Is this some code for a secret society? A bizarre ritual that I have been ignorant of?
I'd really like to know.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Gaining allies

Our enemies in ILL are stepping up the war. They have forsaken looking in our catalogue and gone right to ILL. I have seen 4 requests that we already own!!!!!
You can't ILL something we own! It's a last freaking resort there people!! Recall that damn thing.
I know someone, who if we gave her the stupid stick she'd be beating the hell out of people. Some of them in the same room as her. She'd be a good person to have on our side.

Aside from the fact that the people who use ILL can't READ it's scary to know that the best and brightest(HA!) of the next generation are this helpless and lacking in common sense.
I met one person last week who couldn't figure out how to turn on a photocopier and another who had no clue how to buy a copy card. Despite verbal and written directions.
If this is what's in store for our future we need all the allies we can get. Rise up and be heard!

Friday, May 13, 2005

Mad Librarian Clapped in Irons!

(Crazytown) Loki the Librarian was apprehended late yesterday afternoon in the middle of main street after a day of crazed behavior. "She went completely mad!" One injured student explained sitting on the curb outside of the library. "I went to go inform her that I was pretty sure I returned all those books on my account and she lobbed a Physics handbook at me! I'm pretty sure I was knocked unconscious." All four lanes of traffic came to a stand still to watch the police take down the bibliophile. Witnesses report she was screaming "You'd better show up for your shift!" as police wrestled her to the ground.

It is not yet clear what caused this seemingly sedate individual to lose her marbles. Police have closed the library where she worked and are treating it as a crime scene. "What I can report now is that approximately 7 student circulation employees, 2 fellow librarians, and a handful of undergraduate students seem to be missing." A source close the investigation revealed that there were random shoes, cell phones, and ipods found scattered amongst the reserve collection. It is believed these items belong to the missing people. Nike the Librarian, a colleague of Loki's, had a theory about the belongings, "The patrons and student workers are always talking on their damn cell phones and singing along with their damn ipods. This is a library! No one wants to listen to people blathering on or singing. And the shoes? Well, they're always taking them off aren't they? Do they think they don't smell or that people want to look at their grimey old socks? I'd have taken them too!" Nike refused to speculate about the whereabouts to the missing persons. "Only Loki can answer that."

Confusing the case even further, the police reported at press time that they had received over 50 calls from university patrons complaining about severe irregularities with their accounts. L.I. has learned that a number of the reports have to do with library fines. One patron was charged $275 for bad hair, one $500 for poor use of grammar, and so far 15 patrons have reported being billed $1500 for disposition unbecoming of a library. It is unclear if Loki is responsible for this database hacking or if this is the work of another individual. "We're not ruling anything out." Captain Stickler of the Crazytown police reported.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Where's my book!!!!!

I have been waiting for a Trinity College (there's a lot of them) to return a ILL book. I swear I could have walked there, picked up the book and walked back on the scenic route and the book would have been here sooner.
I called them up and told them it was overdue. I sent e-mails. I even threatened them. Nothing.
And this is not the first time that this or something similar has happened. Once they sent it on a "special delivery" that only certain colleges use. Guess what, we weren't on it. It took 6 weeks to get a book that was maybe 90 minutes away.
I am putting them on my 'S' list. For the time being.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Why I was against the bell

Here is a yet another perfect example of why I STRONGLY suggested that a bell was not the way to go here.
The other day someone rang the bell. I go out there and there is no one in the area. What I believe happened is that a childish and rude someone decided that it would be fun to ring the bell and run away.
Which is what they did. (I have my suspicions on who this is too.) I mentioned what happened without any comments to at least 2 people and they had the same opinon. That it was childish, rude, and stupid.
I knew that the bell would cause problems months ago!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Now Presenting HRH, the Queen.

Consulting my handy insult dictionary... I had a real tool this morning.

Picture it, crack of dawn, really, library opens in 4 minutes. I approach the building from the coffee shop I had popped over to for some fortification. I see a girl ahead walking up to the library doors. She tries a door. Its locked. She moves to the next door - tries. Then the next and the next. Then - only THEN - does she look at her watch. Then, naturally, she tries the doors again. She does a small turn-in place circle then starts to walk away. I have reached the doors by about her 2nd step. I sense behind me she has turned back around, my hair sways from the air she is breathing upon my neck. I slowly dig my keys out of my pocket, open the door enough to slip in and pull it shut behind me. There's still 2 minutes until opening. I'm a stickler when people are so obnoxious. Anyway, behind me I hear her pull on the doors again. All 4 of them! Did you SEE me unlock them?! Geez. So I pop my coffee into my office, then go to begin unlocking the doors. She's out there; her face pressed against the glass. I go to the farthest door from where she is standing to unlock that one first. Immediately she runs over and starts yanking on the handle! I'm still winding the bar in place lady! Cripes, eventually she jerked the door with keys right out of my hand. (No there was no sorry or thank you or speaking of any sort)

What was the big hurry? A paper to print off before class? An assignment due in 5 minutes? Surely there is some logical explanation for her excessively rude and obnoxious behavior? Nope. I watched her sit down at a computer, open her email, and sit. 4 hours later and she's still sitting there, now she's surfing the web. I believe she gets to wear the dumbass crown today.