Librarian Ire

Friday, May 13, 2005

Mad Librarian Clapped in Irons!

(Crazytown) Loki the Librarian was apprehended late yesterday afternoon in the middle of main street after a day of crazed behavior. "She went completely mad!" One injured student explained sitting on the curb outside of the library. "I went to go inform her that I was pretty sure I returned all those books on my account and she lobbed a Physics handbook at me! I'm pretty sure I was knocked unconscious." All four lanes of traffic came to a stand still to watch the police take down the bibliophile. Witnesses report she was screaming "You'd better show up for your shift!" as police wrestled her to the ground.

It is not yet clear what caused this seemingly sedate individual to lose her marbles. Police have closed the library where she worked and are treating it as a crime scene. "What I can report now is that approximately 7 student circulation employees, 2 fellow librarians, and a handful of undergraduate students seem to be missing." A source close the investigation revealed that there were random shoes, cell phones, and ipods found scattered amongst the reserve collection. It is believed these items belong to the missing people. Nike the Librarian, a colleague of Loki's, had a theory about the belongings, "The patrons and student workers are always talking on their damn cell phones and singing along with their damn ipods. This is a library! No one wants to listen to people blathering on or singing. And the shoes? Well, they're always taking them off aren't they? Do they think they don't smell or that people want to look at their grimey old socks? I'd have taken them too!" Nike refused to speculate about the whereabouts to the missing persons. "Only Loki can answer that."

Confusing the case even further, the police reported at press time that they had received over 50 calls from university patrons complaining about severe irregularities with their accounts. L.I. has learned that a number of the reports have to do with library fines. One patron was charged $275 for bad hair, one $500 for poor use of grammar, and so far 15 patrons have reported being billed $1500 for disposition unbecoming of a library. It is unclear if Loki is responsible for this database hacking or if this is the work of another individual. "We're not ruling anything out." Captain Stickler of the Crazytown police reported.

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