Librarian Ire

Thursday, February 10, 2005

BOTBOAL Meeting Etiquette

[Exciting news! L.I. Has received a top-secret copy of BOTBOAL - "Boil On The Butt Of All Librarians" - meeting etiquette. Extracts follow.]

When attending a meeting led by one's subordinate, always break into their opening remarks so that they lose their train of thought. This will make them appear unprepared and incompetent and thus make you appear less so. (This tactic may also be applied to instructional situations.)

At the same such meeting, periodically inform that subordinate that they should have done something, they shouldn't do something, or question why they did not prepare to discuss something completely random. Once again, the subordinate looks like an incompetent and maybe no one will notice that you do not blink and your pants are 3 inches too high.

When attending a meeting with one's colleagues and an issue comes up that falls under your governance, always pinpoint your subordinate in the group with your glassy eyes and expound on how you agree that something is wrong and you would like to know why it hasn't been corrected. By staring at your subordinate, the implication should be clear that it is their fault and not yours.

Never attend a meeting with copies of the agenda and related documents. Then, as the meeting begins, interrupt the meeting chair wanting to know where your 'copy' is. When one is not provided for you, make sure you inform the meeting leader that they should always bring copies of agendas and relevant documents for everyone at the meeting. Remain oblivious that you are the only one who didn't bring a copy.

Conversely, when you are chair of a meeting never make copies of items for others in the meeting. Additionally, make sure you do not elude to any particular documents you mean to discuss before the meeting. Then when all attendees are unprepared with the document copies lecture them that they should always arrive at meetings with the appropriate such copies.

When making database presentations at a meeting and you do not know the answer to a question a colleague asks you inform them that information is not available. If another librarian points out that it is and the location in that database they can find the information, inform the attendees that must be a new feature because it wasn't there when you checked yesterday.

When a voted upon decision is made that you disagree with make sure to refer back to the topic randomly throughout a meeting in such a way as either you or the other attendees misunderstood the original topic and consequent decision. If your tactics are identified by a colleague, present your defense so it is clear that you misunderstood because the original presentation of the topic was inappropriately done. Then firmly assert that your decision on the topic is that one that was agreed upon. If enough circular arguments are presented other attendees will become confused and will forget that you were the only one who disagreed with the made upon decision.

2 comment(s):

Okay, I know that this has to be a lie. No one in a meeting is that obtuse.
And why doesn't anyone else on the committee (like the secretary) call her on it. The minute taker if they are good has all the facts right there!

By Blogger Nike, at 8:18 PM  

No lie! Everyone is delusional. We rotate minute takers and frankly, I believe most of the people are half asleep wondering when the stupid meeting will end so they don't pay attention. I do, of course, because I dislike her and want to catch her in her moments of idiocy to pass along to the world at large.

By Blogger Loki, at 10:13 AM  

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