Librarian Ire

Things that make you go Grr.

2010-12-05T11:33:00.000-06:00

"Hey. Can I ask you a question?" A phrase that makes me want to just walk away. When a patron sidles up to the desk, uttering that oh-so retorical phrase, you know there is going to be trouble. Inevitably, what follows is the stupidest question in all of librarianland.

I'm good, but not psychic

2010-10-15T21:13:00.000-05:00

I was so hoping for a good Sunday student worker. Alas, like men, all the good ones are taken.
We were forced to hire a new Sunday student worker because the last ones graduated. Funny how that happens.

Being the kind, gentle and understanding library person I am, I give them a few weeks to adjust to the wild world of Sunday librarianship.

So it's the 4th week now and I give him a few ILL requests to look for and came back telling me he couldn't find them but 'he skimmed the carts.' Hmm, not exactly promising.
Now someone can't find a book needed for a class. So we promise to look for it and let the patron know.
Guess who got to look? Yep, Mr. Skimmer. He came back saying "I didn't see it, but I skimmed the carts."
I know the book is there, since I checked it in myself. He wants to know what cart it is on.

What am I, clairvoyent? That's why we hired you. To look, not skim the carts. Sigh.

Broken lights or we're just messin' with ya.

2008-06-06T09:50:00.000-05:00

One of our closing rituals is to blink the lights to warn people we are closing. We've been doing this for about 10 or so years. Probably longer.
It's not a surprise to anyone who spends a lot of time here. Or so I thought. Ah the pool of stupidity is endless and vast.
Celery woman appeared while we were blinking. She's a part time student here. Spends enough time here at night to be reasonably aware of things. But she asked me why we didn't get the lights fixed so that they don't blink like that. "Because it's very disruptive when you're studying downstairs."
Uh yeah. That's the point. I explain that we do that to warn people we are going to be closing in a few minutes and they have to leave.
She stares at me and walks away. Not out of the library mind you. She went back downstairs.

Now this is the same woman who while standing in front of the bathroom actually asked me where it was.
How she survived this long is beyond me.

Security gate woes

2008-04-22T20:02:00.000-05:00

Our security gate has been stepping up it's war against me. It has recruited some students to slowly break my will.
It was bad enough when it'd just go off. It would beep and then lock. There isn't anyone around, no books to pass through. It could be some ghost or poltergeist. It's a better explanation than what the security company told us. Sometimes these things happen.
I keep a record of these assaults on my sanity. Well, for later. You never know....
Not much I can do about the students.
The one that stands out is the woman who tried to return her books. She attempted to leave the library to place all her books in the book drop on the outside of the library. In order to return books to the library.
With staff at the desk waiting to help her.
She explains that she wants to return her books. Okay. We unlock the gate and she tries again to leave to return her books!!!!!
Finally I just tell her leave them.

Sad case

2008-03-05T14:05:00.000-06:00

Had a student come to my office to "help" her. She had been in the previous day and been helped by someone and apparantly that help didn't stick. Anyway, she didn't have a copy of a book needed for her class. The bookstore was backordered. Anyway, she was quite upset that the only copy of the book on campus was in our reserves collection (for that class).

Apparantly, this "wasn't fair" that it was on reserve because she needed it.

Interruptions

2008-03-04T18:28:00.000-06:00

I just love it when I'm trying to help someone and they keep interrupting while I'm answering their vitally important question.
Mind you they interrupted me doing something vitally important.
Case in point. A female patron comes in and says "I asked for something to be delivered here for me."
Oookay. Thanks for the information.
So she's standing there staring at me. I am using my incredible library powers to discern that the book is on the shelf waiting for you.
I ask her name and she says, Helen of Troy, like I should have recognized her instantly. Oh of course! Who?
Now Helen is back. She wants to know where the PA's are. I don't get the full sentence out before she interrupts to say "they are near the BR's right?
Uh no, not exactly. We do have a lot of other books between the B's and the P's in stacks. Blame the alphabet for that one.

A new insult record!

2008-02-17T20:51:00.001-06:00

Had a patron break the insult record lately. I couldn't decide if I wanted to award him or kill him. Three insults in about 8 minutes.

He had been sent over to the library(first trip by the by) to get a specific edition of a book for his boss.
First of all he didn't know the title. He did however know the editor's name. But he told me it was the author's name.
I finally find it, by using the call number which he also had, yet didn't think was useful.
I see that someone had returned it in the last few days. We invite him to look on the shelving cart, and he pulls the wrong book. He found the 2006 edition.
Which isn't the right translation.
Here comes insult number 1. The library is wrong. How could they have made such a huge mistake as to catalog an English translation as a Greek one! It's a travesty. He shoves it in my face TWICE, probably in order illustrate his point. But really just annoying me. At this point I have to help him to shut him up.

I doublecheck on the screen and see that the book he has is a different call number and a different edition as well as a different barcode.
I tell him he has the 2006 edition. Then he looks over the cart again and WOW there it is.
Insult number 2 was the comment in order to find things here, you have to know what you are doing to find things here. Meaning of course HE knew what he was doing and no one else did.
Then insult number 3 was if I know how to check books out to him. He's lucky he made it out of the library alive at that point. I thought about hitting him, but the boss was in her office and she would have seen.
And the rule is NO WITNESSES!

SSSSHHHHH!!!

2008-02-09T17:44:00.000-06:00

I mean it this time. Shut up!!!!!
I don't care that you have run out of milk, or you need to buy a car, or your fiancee is stuck at the airport on stand-by and won't be home to feed your pet lizard or whatever.
Turn the *%$#!! cell phone off.
We here in the library have no interest in your life and all the jetsam that you are currently broadcasting.
And don't give me those dirty looks when I ask you to move it outside. I'll bet you no one else cares either and are relieved someone kicked you out.

We're back

2008-02-06T18:45:00.001-06:00

I bet you thought we had given up or went for therapy, as there has been no Ire for quite some time.
Call it a sabbatical. Now we might not have a book or papers but we have observed the habits and rituals of the library users. Both the wild and domesticated.
So watch the space.

And here's the LI contribution to the Vampire Librarian's meme.
"A man is not poor because he has not provided for the morrow. If we only remember what quantity of food the sea full of fish offers, on whose contents each man in Catholic Naples is bound by his religion to feed one day of the week; how profusely all sorts of fruit and garden stuffs are to be found there at every season; how the country wherein Naples lies, has the name of Terra di Lavoro, (not of Labor but of Husbandry), and the whole province has borne the honorable title of the Happy Country (Campagna Felice) now for centuries, we will see how easily one may live there.
One who has lived here long would see that the Lazzarone is not a whit more idle than the other classes, but would also perceive that all in their way labor not merely to live but to enjoy, and that they are quite free from the labor for living." The Early lectures of Ralph Waldo Emerson v.II

What is youth coming to?

2007-05-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

This would fall into the category of "stupidity ire"

Silly Article

If you read the article carefully, one of the students who agreed to let this woman stay in her room and knew the woman was coming in through the window is 'upset at the security at the university'.

If Stanford were to ask me I'd suggest evicting this student from the university. If she's dense enough to just agree to let some women stay in her room & then blame the university she shouldn't be at a school of that academic quality.
Oy.

Communication is key

2007-04-15T20:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, we all know this. It's one of those buzz phrases. What you say, how you say it and to whom.
Apparently it hasn't filtered down to those lower on the totem pole of life yet. (and that's not exactly what I wanted to say)

Like Miss Attitude. She hasn't figured it out yet.

A week ago the phone rang at the desk and since I thought she was at the desk I didn't pick up. Until the fourth ring. Apparently she had better things to do than man the desk. But she doesn't bother to warn anyone that they are on their own. This was the last straw.

The best illustration of this annoying little habit happened a few weeks ago. I had just gotten a chance to finally take a coffee break. So I told her that's what I was doing. I actually used her name and said the following words. "I'm going on my break, I'll be back," and then she wanders away from the desk before the echo faded.

We are headed for a showdown. And the attitude will not be on her side.

More Miss Attitude

2007-04-13T18:13:00.000-05:00

Now I now all of you have been wondering if there have been more Velmaesqe (Velma-ish?) traits sighted recently.
Two have surfaced.
Miss Attitude like to show off her musical talent. She does this by telling everyone how good she is at playing her horn.(Ironic isn't it?) She has been using this as an excuse lately to miss shifts.
Also she gets all fired up about stupid news items. She spent nearly 10 minutes arguing about some experiment conducted in a subway recently. And how that proves that our culture is doomed, because people during rush hour won't stop to participate.
I thought it was funny actually. Well, more ironic than funny. She was horrified.
Neither she nor Velma could see the humor in things like these.

Swear. To.... Joel.

2007-04-05T11:31:00.000-05:00

If one more person emails me that cartoon with the chocolate bunnies my head will explode! Its the equivalent of getting those weekly sale flyers in the mail.

Creepy

2007-02-12T17:49:00.000-06:00

If I didn't know better I'd swear it was Hallowe'en.
We are getting some real creepy patrons here lately.
The first one is the crazy bandanna lady from last summer. She back using our computers. Now we have good hardware and some great research software. But I don't think that's the draw for her. She asked me about a specific church run school that supposedly is 'nearby'. She wanted to know everything I knew about them. I had no idea. I looked up the name she gave me in the phone book. Wasn't there. On the internet the only thing that came up was somewhere out West. She immediately knew that was wrong. No kidding.
But she's positive that she's got the name of the school right. Well, I gave her the names and addresses listed in the phone book that were close.
The second guy is even odder. Comes in every afternoon and hogs a computer. A very snazzy totally loaded deal. If he hangs around when the computer lab is 4 deep, some students are going to be very cranky.
He 'says' he's studying some Eastern religion, and likes our book collection. But no one has ever seen him in the stacks, just the computer lab. Not to mention he always blocks anyone's view of the screen when they come in.
He's never bothered anyone. So far. But he's creepy.

Miss Attitude

2007-02-05T20:44:00.000-06:00

So here we are in the new semester.
All in all I can't complain about my new student workers. Except one. Of course there's always one.
Anyway Miss Attitude is not what you'd call a ball of fire. She could sit and study and do her e-mail from the time she gets here until the time she leaves. Not exactly what we are paying you for dear.
Hey, I could keep you busy from the time you get here until the time you leave. So watch it!
More than once I've had to remind her to do some very basic circ things such as printing the paging requests, reserve policy, and my personal favorite shelving. Stuff I know she knows, since she's worked here nearly a year now.
While she doesn't like to work when she's here she also doesn't like to take breaks or leave. Once I found her sitting behind the circ desk in the shelving area. When I asked her if she was all right(I first thought she was sick or something) she told me she was fine. She didn't bother to get up, even though it was sort of obvious I needed to move the ranges. I asked her what she was doing there. She then told me she was on her break. I pointed out she was 1) not allowed to sit in the stacks behind the desk and 2) not allowed to take her break while still behind the desk. And 3) she was in my way. And yes, I did say all of this nicely.
She didn't get it at all. Oh, she did get up and move, but waited until I was finished and sat back down on the floor in between the shelves.
She's very odd. I had to explain to her the concept of a required break recently.
But the reason I christened her Miss Attitude is that when I do ask her to do something she gets defensive. She will put it off until I have to ask her again. Or ask for an update. Then she sighs give me a look like she wants to challenge me and reluctantly leaves the desk. She will take a long time to do the task assigned to her.
There is a slight but scary resemblence to Velma, one of our previous circ assistants. We shall keep you posted if any more character traits pop up.

Anger and Rage in ILL v.3

2007-01-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

And here's the finale.
After sending the very polite e-mail about how to use the catalog to the Dud(e) I get another request for something that we own.
This time I cancel the request, send my regular "We don't do this" e-mail. And page it from where it lives. It was not in our stacks.
So a few days later the Dud(e) comes in and says, I got this e-mail saying I have books. And surprise, surprise he just stands there.

Umm, okay. Want to give me a hint here buddy? So I ask him who he might be. And he tells me.
Oh goodie. So I ask if he got the e-mail I sent to him about learning the catalog. He's not sure. He seemed to be a little afraid that I knew who he was. Who did he think was sending him e-mail?
So I explain to him that he's been using ILL to request our own books, which we don't do.
At this point the MSB makes an appearance and shoves me aside. Fine with me. I could tell he was going to be a long term learning project.
And when the training session was over the MSB comes back into the office and tells me the student was very intelligent, just confused about how we operate. She could just sense it.(this is the same person who hired back Dr. Nathan and Stripey)
I almost asked the MSB what drugs she had been doing.
Later on a few of my students told me that while they recognized him, they didn't know him. He only goes to class. Doesn't participate in campus life at all.
So he probably won't be a regular featured player here on LI.
Which is a loss.

Alive!

2006-12-28T17:04:00.000-06:00

IT's (meaning me) alive!! I've been quite delinquent with the ire induced rants but and totally gearing up to it!

I forged a shallow stream of sanity with a new job at the beginning of september and thus haven't experience much ire for awhile (moving ire doesn't count stupid decrepid back). Well, to continue the metaphor, I slipped on some slime that coated the bottom of that stream and fell onto the bank and totally got my backside covered in mud.

Coming soon: rants on applications, interviews, and Library Barbie.

Butthole alert!

2006-12-23T10:19:00.000-06:00

This guy didn't know how close he came to a talk with security...

So, we work at the Circulation desk. Right nearby is the Reference desk. Across from these is the 6 crash bar entry doors, the gate alarms. All around are computers... I ask anyone - would you think this is the spot that will have NO noise?

So this as-cerbic person comes up to the desk and goes "Who's in charge here?"
I ask if he means here - this area - or something else. He gives visual attitude cues, then nods, so I reply I am.
Then he says, "This is a library do you think this means that you can talk?"
I'm all... "excuse me?" which I barely get out before he's all "you're just standing around talking; a library is a place for quiet and study..." I open my mouth to start to explain this is a service area there will always be talking, but I get maybe 2 words out before he interrupts and says "don't make excuses" and "what do I have to do to make you shut up?" and he said some other shocking crazy things but I was concentrating on controlling my fists so missed it all.

Well sir, if you don't want to listen to our voices let me call the police and get you removed you COMPLETE wack job!! So I just said, "ok" and he walked away... (because he was in no way going to accept any rational explanations)

My student was very frightened by this guy... he is definlty crazy in a murderous kind of way. I've got my eye on him now. He's using one of the research terminals - the second he accesses anything that isn't library created or owned I'm kicking his ass off! Not to mention my student and I are making it a point to speak very loudly to all people coming to the desk. Everyone's getting a greeting... books are being forceful put on shelves and counters...

Anger and Rage in ILL v.2

2006-12-20T17:19:00.000-06:00

So after I sent out the polite informative note about how we don't ILL stuff we already own, he sends another ILL request.

This time it's for something that I not only know we have, it's something that I have seen recently. So it's on the shelf. I actually go down to look for it. Right where it's supposed to be.
So I canceled the ILL request yet again. And my favorite part was he didn't even bother to search our catalog. He went straight to Google to look for it. Now I have nothing aganist Google. I use it frequently myself. But c'mon! Just blows the mind that he made it to college and grad school.

So while I am rapidly losing patience with this idiot, I hold out hope that he can eventually be taught and send him the following message. "I would like you to come to the library for a refresher course on how to use our catalog and ILL software. I believe it would be more rewarding and less frustrating trying to do research if you learned how to use them properly.
Please e-mail me with a time that you can come for this."
Tune in for part three of this entertaining saga.

Anger and Rage in ILL

2006-12-19T18:20:00.000-06:00

recently there was a spate of new ILL requests. All by the same person. His user ID was Dude(I learned to leave off the 'e') So I knew before I even saw the request we were going to have issues.
After searching our catalog I noticed we have all of his requests so I sent him an e-mail telling him he didn't need to ILL the books. After the last ILL was cancelled 'The Dud(e)' sent an e-mail back saying and I quote "why was this cancelled? I've submitted about 10 requests and have only gotten cancellation notices--nothing that I requested. Am I doing something wrong?"
Librarian Loki chimed in from her sabbatical with a resounding yes in her inimitable way.
I believe the words crazy and fool were used.
I sent out a nice, polite, and informative note to the "dud(e)" explaining things about catalogs and ILL policy.
Do you think he understood it?
Wait until the next installment.

Worrying about the fate of the profession

2006-12-13T20:45:00.000-06:00

Now they are into the e-mail. I recently had a run in with the King of Stupid.
Via e-mail. Okay I will concede spam and the stupid jokes and forwards. But to invade my cozy ivory tower with His Majesty was just too much.
There was a question about the problem of library security. You know, stolen library books that appear for sale on various internet sites.
The person wanted to know what other libraries had done in similar cases. One public librarian made the comment she had seen a book on sale on Ebay that she herself had taken a lost fee for only days earlier.
She didn't complain to either the web site or her bosses because the person in question had paid her for the book.
I was surprised at that response. And said so.
Then the K of S jumps in saying why should she complain since the book was paid for and the library no longer owned it and oh by the way you are very wrong and your opinion isn't worth jack.
Okay he didn't say the last part, but the way he phrased his e-mail it was implied.
And it's not the first time that the K of S has offended people. Most of the time we ignore him or in a few cases gang up on him with our superior knowledge and experience.
But in this case I replied to his post pointing out a few facts. Like just because you accept a lost fee doesn't mean you sold the book to this patron. And later it was discovered that, the library in particular, had been targeted by people who were shopping library shelves for specific books to sell. (Can we say arrest warrant?)
Of course that wasn't good enough for K of S. He had to send me a personal e-mail pointing out how wrong I was and how fantastically right he is.
You work in a tiny little community college. I work in a major research university. Gee, I wonder why.
If this is what's out there in my profession, I need to move to Paris and learn to paint.

Patience of a saint

2006-11-01T19:58:00.000-06:00

I am glad today's All Saint's day. I could use the patience and forgiveness of them. I don't know what is up with the students today.
Maybe they know it's our anniversary month. And wanted to give us something to complain about again.
Two years of bitching and whining here on LI! Wow. Amazing really.
So far, today I have had students who are well into the semester and know how to use the reserve pages shout out only half a call number for reserve books. When I insist they write it down they give me death glares.
Ha. They have a long way to go before they can perfect a decent death glare capable of intimidating Nike the Librarian.
I learned the library glare from the best!
Then the two of the most capable and intelligent library workers seemed to have taken a little mental vacation while at the desk. One checked out an entire set of DVD's(a total of 8 items) to one student for a 2 hour reserve. Not only can't you watch a set of 8 DVD's in two hours it's not our reserve policy for Media items.
The other let someone borrow a reserve book without checking it out first (Sigh) and then screwed up paging books, so I spent half an hour chasing down already checked out books that were on the verge of being marked "lost".
To top it all off, she left all huffy because I asked her to be more attentive when doing her job.
And yes, I was nice about it.
Well, I had been missing something to complain about so it worked out.
So happy anniversary Librarian Ire.

More stupid freshman

2006-10-10T17:47:00.000-05:00

Here's a little gem.
One of our new students has been deep into research. So he pages books from us to be held on our circ desk.
Despite the fact we've told him many times that we don't do that. I personally have sent him 4 e-mails in the last week.
So what do we get today? 4 more requests to be held at our desk.
I send him more e-mails and then get a reply saying Oh I am so sorry I keep forgetting to look at the place. And oh by the way is anyone at the library now?
No, dipstick. I log into the spam laden e-mail account from home to mess with your mind.
Not that it's hard to do apparently.
I bet he is one of the people who call up places and ask are you open when someone answers the phone.

Laughing hysterically

2006-10-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

at the new ILL users.
I haven't had such a good laugh at an ILLer in some time.
Here is a new request from a new student. The request is about an obscure topic on the fringes of philosophy. And the book they want is in Dutch. Nothing wrong with either of these things. I see stuff that's a lot weirder than that being checked out everyday.
But what gets me is that the requester cited the author, the full title, the publication date and publisher. Which is rare. I am lucky to get an author and title most of the time.
But instead of citing an academic database that they found this in, they tell me that it is available at Amazon.com.
Well, good for them! Amazon that is. Branching out, I see.
The two things I can't figure out is why the person didn't buy it(wasn't that expensive) and why they thought a citation in Amazon would help.

Whoo-Yah!!!

2006-09-29T23:34:00.000-05:00

Oh there was joy this week. Yes, pure unadulterated dancing JOY!
In fact I got to do the Hooray you're fired Happy dance.
Stripey has left the library.
I don't have the full story, but I suspect there's more to it than the offical line.
The offical line is that she got another job.
But there were hints that she doesn't have another job at all. And the boss dropped a morsel of gossip that there are medical tests in Stripey's future.
And not for allergies or heart trouble if you get my drift.
But again I don't have the full story.
While I don't wish any terrible disease on her, really. It's nice that when I work now on her days I can actually get stuff done instead of answering her questions every 5 minutes.

Secure?

2006-09-29T18:41:00.000-05:00

Some audacious new student tried to break into the library today. Never mind we were open.
I mean really, can't you read? The hours are posted.
But what was really alarming was that despite being some nobody of a person(who I know doesn't work here)he was able to lock the doors.
I had to yell at him and send him on his way. I hope he never realized what havoc he was capable of in that short shining moment.
Security needs a good talking to. It's always a good idea to give every student, faculty member, and staff the ability to open the main library doors at any time they want.

Sex Paraphanalia

2006-09-27T14:15:00.000-05:00

A sign I am old. Very, very old. Students nowadays - clean cut ones - carry an array of sexual paraphanlia around with them in their bookbags. A few months back, one student was digging in her bag to show me something and watching, I saw something odd. "What's that?" I asked, not for a moment thinking it was what I thought it was. It was. Its something one needs to purchase in one of those "specialty" stores & its flavored, is all I'll say. "Why the hell are you carrying that around?" Was my cry! I was met with a shrug. This, from one of my very good, well adjusted, mature students. What the hell kind of school am I working at??!

This on top of one of the crotchy old guy librarians who was talking about how he likes to be pleasured the other day.

Do you have drugs to send me? because I really need to be medicated.

Troubled Soul

2006-09-27T14:00:00.000-05:00

A coworker couldn't get the little window that prompts about an upgrade to "go away" so she called campus IT repair.

Umm...

What's with Hiring Committees?

2006-09-18T08:03:00.000-05:00

I know you all have examples...

Here is the most recent example of hiring genius in my ~~crappy~~ crappy library:

Librarian left for greener pastures at the beginning of the summer. Hiring committee sat on their hands for awhile then interviewed. They brought in 3 candidates. 2 of them I knew and were both pretty qualified, one much more so. The 3rd candidate was a wonder - why this person? Qualifications were much less than the other 2 and probably most of the applicants. Here are the kickers though. The application specifically stated "send as pdf" - she sent as a Word file. The cover letter was three pages of rambling nonsence. When she came to interview? She was wearing a t-shirt. A plain, scoop neck cotton t-shirt.

Guess which one they hired?

She started last week while I was off, so I'm sure there will be lots more lovely stories forthcoming from this savant.

Damned freshman

2006-09-14T18:16:00.000-05:00

Annoying new freshman came in recently.

She comes in on Monday wanting a book. Apparently she needs it by Sat for some paper or something.
Well, we have 2 copies and another of our libraries has one as well. Two are checked out and one is supposed to be on the shelf. She can't find it. She's got long brown braids and one of those 1960's style pop-up hats with the pom-pom and the brim. Tres chic.
She looks, well, annoying. My student says "I knew before she even opened her mouth she was going to be trouble."
So I promise we'd look. I tell her she could recall the books. But she needs it before Sat. I promise we'd do our best to find it. If we couldn't find it by yesterday I'd mark it missing and she could ILL it.
I explain in great detail what that is, because she didn't know. Serious freshman cluelessness.
So now she wants to put in an ILL request. I explain the ILL policy to her again. And if we can't find it we will let her ILL then, just not NOW. But it won't do any good since she needs it by the end of the week and ILL takes about 10 days. She didn't get that.
She and her buddy hang around for a while, presumably to wait and see if we turn up the book. Then she leaves after my student doesn't find it. Not leaving a name or number to contact her. Of course. But they want to know if we have a bus schedule to get back to campus. I tell them to look up the shuttle schedule on-line since we don't have one handy. Dumb all through. Then they want to know where to get the bus.
I check later on. Nothing. No pre-shelving, no carts, ect.
So we look yesterday. Nada. I did mark it missing but I hated to do it. Not just cause they were annoying. But I promised.

Monster, here I come

2006-09-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

It's time to look for a new job.

This morning, when I visited the ladies - guess what I found? A empty yogurt carton in the stall.

Ok! Who the HELL is eating yogurt on the toilet? That is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Fleeting happiness?

2006-09-12T15:54:00.000-05:00

I got joyous news this week. It might be only temporary, but I have learned to take joy where it is found.
Dr. Nathan, as you know is back. But he called with a problem. He won't be able to work his daytime shift. He has no problem working weekends, but working in the morning and afternoons during the week is too hard for him.
A rule we have here is everyone who works nights or weekends needs to work a weekday shift with her.
Dr. Nathan got away with it last year because he did technically work a daytime shift. But he only wanted to work weekends this year.
HA! He needs too much supervision to do that. Which we all know.
So he was told he could work on the weekends only if he worked a daytime shift. He agreed.
Then this week he called and said he couldn't work his scheduled shift. Apparently he just HAS to take this class and it's only offered during his shift.
I want to know when he's out of here and when I can do the "Hooray You're fired happy dance"
But it's not this week alas. The boss is confident she will be able to work something out. She announced that she wasn't hiring anyone else this year.
I know enough that you NEVER tempt the universe like that. So there is hope. Although karma is sneaky. I might have to wait a while.

Think of me as a god...

2006-09-11T08:08:00.000-05:00

...it doesn't matter what you say & do, only what I say & do.

For instance, when it says we open the library at 8:00am, we open at 8:00am. The clocks used are those of the institution or the person opening. It doesn't matter what your watch says.

This morning when I went out the door to run to the post box quick before opening a girl waiting there says "Why aren't you open?!" In the snootiest tone she can come up with, naturally. I say "We open at 8:00am". "It's already 8:00am". "I'm sorry, my watch says its 7:58." "Well, my watch says its 8:01"

WELL - if her watch says... good grief. They're actually getting denser.

How dare they?

2006-09-09T08:37:00.000-05:00

That was the theme that this older bald guy had today. What a start to the morning.

He was mortally offended that someone dared to recall a book that he had checked out.
He demanded that we tell him who had recalled the book from him. "Because if it's another student I am not going to return it."

I had to explain about the U.S. Patriot Act and the privacy policy as well as my ethical concerns about civil liberties. I still don't think that he believed me. Or cared. He would have cared if I had given his information out. And if he keeps this up all year I just might. It'd be a tough battle between ethics and revenge, but my people hold grudges really really well. It's just not a good idea to piss off the person who can edit your record. And turn you into the FBI.
He kept right on ranting about the fact that he was told he could have this book for months and wasn't finished with it. We tell you that it can be recalled at any time. If you choose to ignore us or believe you are exempt, well then you have more problems than I can help you with.

But no. It wasn't his fault. It's an integral flaw in the system we use. I don't know what he wanted me to do right then. The system we use, while not perfect, is better than before. So he didn't get sympathy for me. And ranting and raving wasn't endearing him to the patrons waiting behind him.
I gave him the standard options, waiting to recall it again, buying the book, or using ILL. That wasn't good enough for him.
He wanted his book right now with no interruptions whatsoever. Then he should have bought it. I bet he's a paper abuser too. He has that aura.

Stupid idiotic #&%*# new professor

2006-09-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

We've got a whole bunch of new professors here at my venerated institution. They drive me crazy for many reasons. Here are a few. You have to be extra nice to them from the very beginning.
Very often they have an overinflated sense of their own importance. Which means they don't introduce themselves to you and you are expected to just know who they are.
They turn things in very late, if at all. And are shocked and horrified that we don't do things the way their old university used to.
But the main reason new professors drive me crazy is reserves. (Now who out there is shocked at this. Come on. Be honest.)
Here is an example.
Two e-mails come in from the newest professor for his fall classes. First of all he sent duplicate e-mails. Got the same info twice. Just in case I missed it the first time I guess.
He has all his books listed, with how long a reserve time he wants them for. We've got titles, and in some cases authors. (So far it SOUNDS good.) But wait for it.
No call numbers. No years or editions. In two cases the books aren't owned by the library. In one other case the book he wants has been missing for 3 years.
And in all cases the books he wants for reserve belong to another departmental library.
So not only did the guy not do his research and look on our catalog, he has no idea how this whole reserve system works.
He could have put all the books on reserve at the library they live at. Several other professors do that with no problems at all. Because most of the students who would take this particular class spend most of their time there anyway.
Where is my taser gun when I need it?

Case of the Shrinking Pants

2006-08-22T11:09:00.000-05:00

Evidence, while still circumstantial, appears overwhelmingly in favor of a pants theif here in my library.

An artist's rendering represents the progression of facts:

I believe the victim is now under the impression she has received fashion assistance in the form of capris.

Oooh NOOOO! It's the creature from the Clueless Lagoon!

2006-08-20T23:25:00.000-05:00

I have had a sneak preview of what my life will be like this next year.
Despite my best efforts and the utter inanity of Dr. Nathan, he is back.
Yes. More fun on the weekends.
Here is a little sampling. He sends an e-mail confirming his schedule. And in it the boss said he will start work in September. So of course he does what any Nathan would do. He asks "Do you want me to start working this weekend?"
Sigh. No, we don't. You could try to work this weekend, but you'd piss off security and the library director.
We don't open on the weekends for the summer. Which he ought to know by now.
He has been here a full year. All of the library hours are pretty much the same. We posted them on the websites and on library entrances. I bet they even do announcements at some places.
And the worst part is he knows when classes start. So anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure out that Hey, I don't have to work on the weekends until September. Or anyone who reads their e-mail.
I don't even think his elevator leaves the ground never mind hit the top floor.
And to top it off, the boss told me that she thought he wasn't really the right personality type for the job.
So why did she re-hire him? It's a plot. I know it.

Not even gum?

2006-08-14T10:58:00.000-05:00

Now that's a question that should not even be asked in a library. No we don't allow food in a library and that includes candy of any kind. So yes, gum is on that list.
It took me a moment to recover from her next question. Why don't you allow gum?

Gee, aside from the University food policy, which I just explained to you. We here at the library feel that it's a bad thing to have something you can stick to stuff. Chairs, tables, desks, computer monitors, keyboards, shelving units, and oh yeah BOOKS.

I have an addendum for the punishment code. Librarians are allowed to cut out tongues.

Oh god, Mondays

2006-08-14T09:34:00.000-05:00

Isn't it nice to have new people come into the library? Today we had a lovely new international student who felt right at home in the library. Why, he had no problem standing at the desk, his forefinger up his right nostril to the second knuckle... picking away happily: "I can't find this book?" He says, digging around, trying to hand me a paper with the call # on it... ick. "No sir, I don't need to touch that piece of paper, I'll can see it just fine from here."

Gross.

Lost and missing fiche

2006-08-11T10:26:00.000-05:00

This comes under the heading of WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?
We just had a call from a recent graduate. She returned a fiche to either Library S or Library C. We never checked it in, because apparently she uses the fiche as bookmarks.
So now she wants to know why it's still on her account. This was an issue before graduation since she kicked up a fuss about it. Everyone was required to look out for it. And I mean everyone. In all the circulation desks on campus.
My boss called up every other circulation desk on campus as well as yelled and screamed at her usual monthly circulation meeting about putting our fiche in fiche envelopes so they DON'T get lost. No one found it.
I bet this kid's parents want to know why they have this library fine bill so they made her call us up. So we go throught our usual routine. I check her account and tell her what's still out. "I know that is still on my account, but I returned it!"
"Well, we double discharge everything so if it still here then we didn't get it."
"Oh I did return it. I returned it in a book. You must have gotten it by now."
" What book was it in?"
"I don't know but it's one in your system."
Oh goodie. My institution has 11 million items in "the system". I need a little something more. Which I tell her.
"So can't you look up what book I had out?"
"No, we don't have that information."
She was stunned that we don't keep such valuable information for posterity. So I have to explain to her about the U.S. Patriot Act(stupid legislation) and how we decided that it was too much of a risk and it violates university policy.
She wasn't impressed. In fact she claimed to know all that already. But if you know we didn't have that information why'd you ASK?
She told me she'd have to try to remember what she had checked out. Good luck honey!
She is going to call us back sometime. I am not holding my breath.

Hazard Pay

2006-08-01T07:45:00.000-05:00

Look what greeted me today as I reached back into the dark cubby where the outside book return empties. It was just sitting there, above the box, waiting to jump on me as soon as I put my hand in. Well, I showed it! I made a student get the books. You won't get me today you hairy monster!

(Spider drawn to scale. Eep!)

Immortal or is that just crazy talk?

2006-07-18T11:49:00.000-05:00

Who knew that W.A. Mozart was so multi-talented? I knew he was a great composer and a pretty okay musician.
But I never realized he was an academic. According to our newest professor he was. And even more amazing is that Mozart is apparently immortal. Oh I don't mean his music. I mean him in the flesh.
Yes. At the risk of starting conspiracy theories I will say that his death and subsequent burial in a pauper's grave was faked.
Because he was alive and well and writing about Karl Barth in 1986. Although (and this is just my opinion) if he wanted to remain undercover he should have changed his name all those years ago, to something less recognizable.

Little known secrets about Reserves

2006-07-13T08:31:00.000-05:00

Things the patrons wish they knew:

When returning a reserve book and a person is not sitting right at the desk: The further across the desk you put the reserve book the faster we'll check it in. If you place the book on the middle portion of the desk we'll not hurry over to discharge it but walk over as soon as we finish what we're doing, if you place it up to the far edge we'll immediately walk over to check it in, and if you place it so that half the book is hanging off the far edge - well, then we'll immediately teleport to the location and telekinetically move the book through discharge instantaneously.

When standing at the desk, holding a reserve book and looking like the fool you are: Answer "I want to return this book." in response to the circulation worker's question of "Do you want to return this book?". Then, remain standing there looking like a fool until the worker then asks you "Is there something else I can help you with?" at which point you say "I want to renew that book."

Interview Limbo.

2006-07-06T13:54:00.000-05:00

Had myself an interview with a well known and respected university considerably south of where I live recently.
I applied for the position as a lark really. I saw it posted and thought how interesting. Some months later I saw it was still up. So I figured what the hell?
I got the call saying they wanted to interview me. Cool.
Except I forgot how freakishly hot it gets there. Hell isn't that hot.
They asked a lot of questions. Nineteen! Which actually isn't as many as you might think.
Good ones too. They asked me about how I manage my time when it's really bad at the desk(I'm paraphrasing) and I have important papers/project to complete. Another was about stress management. (I didn't think answering I blog about the idiots who I come in contact with was what they were looking for.)
They asked about the most successful and most unsuccessful teams I've been on. Co-worker relations was another big deal. How do you handle difficult co-workers? And my favorite one was about diversity. How do you handle different cultures, personalities, religion, ect in a large professional work place?
While I think I did all right answering most of the questions, there were a few that I had trouble with. One they asked was about the future of circulation with all the new technology. Where do I see it going and how would we have to define our role? That was hard for me. I have some ideas, but in that situation it's hard to pick one and define it in 100 words or less.
Overall I did okay. In interviews it's often hard to tell. The feedback and the vibes were positive. I did notice the body language was positive and open. So maybe I have a good shot.
I didn't go in with the expectation I'd be hired. In fact this is the first time I applied for a 'professional' posting. And I'd be shocked comatose, if someone who works there didn't apply for the job as well. Being familiar with the routine and people does give you an advantage. But the experience was great and I got to visit a few places on the "things to see before I die list." A mini-vacation.

I'd love the job, to be honest. It looks like something I can do and do well. It's in a great city. It's more responsibility and potential to move up. I'd even get my own office! But on the other hand, they don't appear to pay very well, and it's one of the more expensive cities in the USA to live in.
Also it's quite a hike from family and friends.

A Stumper for the Masses

2006-07-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

Gee... I've just gotten this recall notice for one of my books, what do I do?

Well, I ignore it of course. I'll just return the book 3 months later after my id has been blocked, the rest of my 30 books from 6 campus libraries have all been billed to me and then I'll go into a library that is in no way involved with all this chaos and I will wave my arms around, scream, yell, and jump up and down. Yep, that sounds like a plan. I am a genius.

Crazy passes v.2

2006-06-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

If Flaky researcher woman wasn't bad enough we have crazy summer students in every day.
Now if it were grad students taking some extra credit it wouldn't be so bad. They at least know how to operate a copy machine and have more information than one word for a book.
Bandanna lady was driving me nuts today. First she kept trying to buy copy cards from me. Now I have no objection to you handing me money. After all, I could use it. But the instructions on how to get a copy card are very clear. And I know I was the third person to explain it to you today.
Then later on in the day she came in with the words, "I wonder if you could help me, as I am a library newbie." That's the worst way to ask a reference question in the whole universe. But I get paid to answer questions so nothing I can really do about it.
Bandanna lady wanted a book. She wasn't sure we had it, but she knew the college bookstore didn't.
So here we go into the reference interview.
"What's the title?" I ask.
"Oh I don't know. But it's about meditation." Oh goodie.
"Okaay, who's the author?"
"The last name is Hugo."
"And do you know the first name?" I ask but my hope fading.
"Oh no. But the last name is Hugo."
In one last ditch effort I try to salvage this question. "Do you have an inital?"
No she didn't. All she knew was that it was in English by someone named Hugo and it was about poetry. Oh goody. I told her we'd get a lot of hits. She didn't believe me.
So I filtered out every language except English. Well it cut the records down by a third. Which meant there were over 1,000 hits to search.
I suggested that she ask someone in her class if they remembered the title or author of the book so we could narrow the search down.
Bandanna lady didn't think they'd know. Until one of her classmates piped up with the suggestion that she go to the bookstore and ask them. They had ordered copies and would likely remember what it was.
That took a minute or two to register with Bandanna lady. "Oh I won't bother with them, since I have already finished my piece and don't need the book."
AUGH!!! So why'd you ask me?
Hey, don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping people find stuff. I even like the challenge when you don't have all the information. Although most people have a clue!

Stupid question of the day

2006-06-22T12:07:00.000-05:00

This grad student came in and won the prize today for the stupid question of the day(at only 11:15 am too!)
And the stupid question of the day was...
"I didn't come to the orientation last year, so I don't know how the library works, are the books organized alphabetically by title or by call number?"
I wanted to say alphabetically. I really did. That would have been hysterical. All 10 million items. :)

Crazy passes

2006-06-18T23:03:00.000-05:00

Whoever is giving out the weekend passes at the local asylum needs to stop. Really. We have more than met our crazy quota for the year.
First we start with the old lady, who has been doing research on some mysterious project for the past 4 years. She is a total flake. In the four years she has been coming to the library I don't think she's learned anything.
I submit to you an example. She said she needed help using the computer to find a book in our catalog.
In actual fact what Flaky researcher woman needed was someone to point out all the components of the computer to her such as the moniter and mouse. I swear to you that I had to tell her the mouse was "that oblong thing with the wire next to your hand."
Then when she figured out the mouse she wanted to know how to 'get to the Internet' I pointed out the Internet icon and explained the mechanics. I barely finished explaining the process, when she complained that the black screen wasn't the internet and she couldn't understand why nothing had happened.
I suppose I should be flattered that she thought that I had the power to summon up the Internet. But that is not my superpower.
And on a related note, she asked my boss a question and when the boss answered it she had to repeat herself several times. It turns out the woman has a hearing aid, which she turned off before she asked her question.
See, crazy?
I need a vacation.

Crowning Ceremony on Sunday

2006-06-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

The new King of Fools won his monarchy through the following question:

"Can I have the system administrator login, because I need to change stuff on the computer."

Had a new one

2006-06-14T15:18:00.000-05:00

Outside the standard "I want to reserve this book." (but its not reserve)

"I want to issue this book."

I'm sorry but you can't issue that book. Only I can do that and I'm not sure I like your attitude...

Welcome Albert to the 21st Century

2006-06-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

Albert Einstein paid me a visit yesterday afternoon. It seems that he had a problem with the overdue fines he had received for DVDs he had returned to our outside book return the previous friday.

"Albert, those DVD's were from the Whatsit campus library and due at 6:45pm."
"Yes, I put them in your book return by that time."
"We were closed at that time and we back date to right before the library opens today to avoid legitimate fines. This book was due at a specifi time period it must be checked in by then."
"Yes but I returned them!"
"Sir, did you see the very large sticker on the front of that DVD that said = Return to Whatsit = ?"
"Yes, ok." And off he went.

Albert clearly thought his intellect superior to mine and he could pull one over on me. Ha!

Hilarious Amazon Product Video

2006-06-05T16:04:00.000-05:00

This video must be shared with the world!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EG8HLE/ref=amb_link_1425282_2/103-3085764-9415807?n=3760901

Return of the Celery Woman

2006-05-28T14:06:00.000-05:00

She returns. Just as limp and colorless and clueless as before, although not in green. Someone must have mentioned how terribly awful she looks in green. I haven't seen much of her this year(thankfully) but she been around. The stories, oh the stories!
Here's one from recently. She was in here asking questions. I didn't have to answer them. She was asking one of the reference librarians. You gotta give those ref librarians credit. I honestly don't know how anyone can be that patient with someone that stupid.
I swear she asked the variations on the same question three times in 5 minutes. "I have a book on reserve." (No, actually it's on hold, stupid) When we go to the shelf, it's not there. "But it has to be! My e-mail said so." Just in case the shelf is checked again. Nope. Now Celery Woman repeats herself at a slightly louder volume. (Like we missed it the first two times) And she spells her name for us. (Thanks. We missed it the first and second time, which is why we actually checked the shelf) Then since we can't find it we move to the next step. Her account was checked. Lo and behold her e-mail had lied to her. It's at another library on campus. Panic ensues. "Oh, no I wouldn't do that. It's got to be here since this is the only library I use. You have to look again."
Apparently the first two times that the librarian looked on the shelf she somehow overlooked the book even though we had the title and your name and we know what we are doing. Or maybe Celery Woman thought her amazing mental powers would somehow have teleported the book to it's 'right' place so she would be able to pick it up.

Signs

2006-05-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

Why do people insist on ignoring signs? Usually signs are there to help you. Like out of order signs. Or stop signs in the street.
I had someone damn near run a stop sign this morning. I wouldn't have cared, much, except I was in the middle of the intersection when he finally noticed me.
I just finished paying for my car, thank you very much. Luckily he decided to stop.
But I digress.
Today we had a small mainentance problem with our main bathroom. The door handle fell off. I'd consider a pretty big freakin' problem, but apparently no cares what I think.
For those keeping score it's the inside door handle so it's hard to get out. We put 2 signs on the door saying Out of Order and Please use the other bathrooms. Real clear and concise right? And yes, they were polite signs.
Nothing to worry about. Yeah, right. About noon a patron came to me with the words, someone is locked in the bathroom. I was understandably annoyed. The signs were not hard to read. So I tell the bathroom patron that we didn't want people in there.
Because it was the interior door handle, we had to call maintenance to get them out. And we didn't know how long it was going to take.
Physical plant found it quite amusing. But they promised to get there very soon.
So I go back and update the person. No problem.
On the outside of the door there's a little knob that maybe would unlock the door. So I wriggle it. The locked in person says, Oh wait a minute would this help? And UNLOCKS THE DOOR FROM THE INSIDE!
They weren't ever locked in!
I had to call Physical plant and let them know that there was no need for a welder or locksmith to rescue our stranded patron.
I leave it to you to fill in the rest of that conversation.

Big bowl of Jello.

2006-05-23T09:14:00.000-05:00

I'm obviously getting soft in my dotage.

Just had a guy come to the desk with a full size journal:

Uhh, sigh. "You're copier only makes 81/2x11 copies."
"Yes."
"Well." Uhh, sigh. "There's like 10 pages to this article and I only have enough for like 5 copies."
"Yes?"
Uhh, sigh. "Well. I need to get like 2 pages on each copy."
"You'll have to minimize size of the copy to do that."
"Well," Uhh, sigh. "That's like impossible."
"Yes, you have a full size journal."
"Well," Uhh, sigh. "What am I supposed to do?"

What am I supposed to do? Give you money? Hold your hand? Weep a sea of tears for your misfortune? TOO funny.

In praise of Scotland

2006-05-12T14:36:00.000-05:00

I just love Scotland. Now you might think this is an unusual non-sequitar for LI.
But bear with me. It's not because they have cool accents, kicking Scotch, a pretty keen fashion sense(everyone wants those tartans), and many famous people who changed the world. Adam Smith, John Knox, Robert Burns, Robert Louis Stevenson, Sean Connery, and Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, just to name a few.

No, the reason I love Scotland is because of the quality of their ILL staff. It is ILL heaven on earth. They are organized, polite, accurate, and in general damn good!

If I get a request from anywhere in Scotland, whether it be from the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow, or Edinburgh University or St. Andrew's University I know that the call number will correspond to the title, that they will know how much we charge and be willing to pay. They will return the books in a timely manner with the paperwork! Very important that. And best of all, they always include a handwritten thank-you note.
And helpful! I had a borrowing request that confused the hell out of everyone, except the Scottish. They were willing to find the book, copy it and send it to us airmail. And for a piddling little price! As I said Heaven on earth.

That's all I ask. Some organization, pride in your work, and a little gratitude. What's so hard about that? In Scotland it's not hard at all.
Now if I can only start getting them to send me tea and shortbread....

Librarian with Attitude.

2006-05-11T15:59:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was in quite the sassy mood.

A guy came up to the desk while I was there. He handed me a blank piece of paper and said:

"This is all that's coming out from the document I printed. Twice the pages have been blank."

I looked straight at him and siad: "Wow, that really sucks."

I scared him for a few seconds by not adding anything to that... then I was the good librarian and helped him. I just love to freak them out though, every now and then.

Love it!

2006-05-11T15:54:00.000-05:00

As I've been quite the slacker lately (damn them giving me work!) I thought I'd pass along this lovely phone conversation:

Phone person: "Yeah, I need to talk to someone about the overdue notice I got on a book."

Me: "Ok." I look her up. "Is this the title?"

Phone person: "Yes. I returned the book on friday right after I got the overdue notice."

Me: "Okaaay. Well, you were billed 1 day overdue for the book because it was supposed to be back on thursday."

Phone person, with indignation: "But I returned the book as soon as I got the overdue notice!"

Me: "Yes, but you see the overdue notice means that the item is already overdue. You've already earned fines."

Phone person: "You mean you don't send overdue notices before the book is overdue?"

It was hard not asking her if she could hear what she's asking. I laughed for quite some time.

Throwing stones at the greenhouse part 2

2006-05-06T20:01:00.000-05:00

Tonight Stripey announced to me that she didn't think she could work her entire shift.
No reason, just she said I don't feel I can work until we close tonight.
Tough luck babe. You didn't bother to do this before you walked in (late)and started working.
Since you aren't a great worker to begin with I am not inclined to cut you any slack.
She doesn't know the right destinations for returned books, she comes in late, spends a lot of time doing e-mail, and asks for help for the tiniest little thing.
None of which I would miss, but who do you think wants to cover your shift NOW? Maybe if you had planned ahead like the rest of the staff. Everyone else has exams and papers too. Including me.
And I work full-time. She only works 4 hours a week. What the hell do you do the rest of the time? She never uses the library and I don't know anyone who has classes with her.

What's up Loki?

2006-05-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

Not dead. Just buried under the chaos of end of year. Ugh. There's bound to be some good craziness coming up, check back next week.

Throwing stones at the greenhouse?

2006-04-29T16:39:00.000-05:00

A student complained to me recently how nice it was to have me back at work, because then no one takes 2 hour breaks. Talk about a back handed compliment! Yes, I do rule with an iron fist. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But I have a very well-trained and organized staff with 2 exceptions.
Stripey is the only one who we have to watch about breaks and paging. She usually disappears for hours in the stacks.
For example we have 15 book requests. Any other staff member can do them in 30 minutes. (Okay 45 if all the carrels and book carts are checked )Those same call slips can take her an hour (if I'm lucky) and an hour and a half if I have a good snack in the break room.
Reliable and anonymous sources throughout the library have reported back to me with comments like, "I asked that student to find something and she didn't know where it was." Another student remarks she heads to the nearest internet connected computer and surfs the net and sends and answers all her e-mail.
Hmmm. I am waiting for reports that she is sleeping in the library. Then my boss will be forced to fire her ass and I can do the Hooray you're fired and don't let to door hit you as you leave dance.
One can only hope.

In case you were in doubt

2006-04-21T09:32:00.000-05:00

About whether its better on the outside or in. I got this sent to me in an email - its probably an oldie, but its a goodie.

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should
make things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal unless you're a branch manager.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to
speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON ........you must deal with sadistic fellow prisoners.
AT WORK...........they are called co-workers.

A class in participation?

2006-04-18T20:04:00.000-05:00

As you may know I have been improving myself yet again this semester. I like my class which I have mentioned, although I am not fond of my classmates.
I realize I have not talked about my classmates much, (the less said the better, but since I need to blog about them I should introduce them to you all)

First there are the Siamese lovers. You never see these two apart. SL1 takes the notes and seems to be the dominant one in that relationship. In the beginning of class I noticed whenever SL2 answered a question or wanted to say something she looked to SL1. Not a good sign for any relationship really. But hey, it's not my place to tell her that.
I could care less about their relationship, and wouldn't have noticed actually except for two reasons. SL1 kept kicking my chair. He would stretch out and hit the chair so it wobbled. Then he'd put his feet under the chair and play with, actually moving it around while I WAS SITTING IN IT! I got fed up with that. So much so I moved. After that I became much more observant about where they were and when.
Which is how I know about the second reason. They don't seem to like this class. I know that because they have said so. What I heard was "Well, this was another boring class." I wanted to say to them, "Maybe if you opened your mouth from one end of the hour to another it wouldn't be so bad."
When the instructor asks questions very often they expect a response! "What do you study?,"came up recently and the other 4 just sat there and stared at him. Hey, guess even. SAY SOMETHING! I get tired of hearing my own voice answering the questions all the time. Just sitting there staring back at him was not a good participation move. You all do know we get graded on participation, right?

Then there's Mr. Clueless, this is the guy who had the gall to ask me if I would 'help' him with his assignment. Invariably he asks a stupidly obvious question like "So these databases are electronic journals?" We spent a whole class on electronic journals and another separate class on database searching. How he combined the two is beyond my imagination. And then he wants to know how to get to the home page. We have to go over it like three times. And even then I'm not totally sure he gets it. Scary. The ref librarian asked me if he always has a meltdown when you show him computer stuff. She was stunned at his reaction a week ago when he asked her help.
Then there's Silent Bob. I have no idea what his voice sounds like. I don't think he's opened his mouth once during the entire semester.
So there you have it. These people are the future of scholarship and learning. My advice is to run for your lives.

#1 PP

2006-04-17T08:23:00.000-05:00

Alright, I have decided who is my number 1 Problem Patron. Oh, could I type his name so you would all be warned...

Top 10 Reasons he is my #1 PP:

10. He stinks. Really, really bad. Dude, you have to be a 6'2" yummy Irishman to get away with that much Old Spice.
9. He comes to the desk with a problem Every. Single. Day.
8. He's a TA and he NEVER does reserves right. He sends them late, I get complaints, he tells me I posted them too early, I posted them to late, he asks that they be posted at 9pm at night!
7. He's short. The short ones always seem to be annoying.
6. He has NO concept of personal space. I don't want anyone standing that close to me. Not even a 6'2" yummy Irishman.
5. He. Stinks. I exaggerate not, the air is polluted a good 10 minutes after he leaves a space.
4. He has stupid hair. I mean, it looks real cute on a 4 year old in a sailor suit, but dude it is NOT working for you.
3. For 2 months he had that unidentifiable goo between his eyebrows - gross!
2. He needs a paperclip, he needs a pencil, he needs a blue pen, the copier is out of paper, the printer has jammed, he can't find this book, how do reserves work, do we have his ILL, can he renew is ILL, he got an overdue notice, the light is out over his desk, the desktop wallpaper is too bright, can we post this reserve, its too cold, why have you stabbed me with a scissors?
1. He stinks!!! The obvious choice. Stinking every single day is the reason you got a scissors in your ear!

Lying

2006-04-10T18:55:00.000-05:00

Here's a little tip for all you liars out there. Come up with something believable when you want a night off.
Saying I have anthrax or the plague will get you the night off, but you can't come back to work.
When faking an illness, go with the tip from Ferris Bueller. Non-specific is best. Stomach ailments, food poisoning no one is going to ask too much about. There are things we just don't want to know.
Also when picking the previous committment lie make sure it's happening on that day. Such as a religious service or date. Make sure that the service happens. And it's best not to pick a person who is real and might choose to study in the library on that day. A friend from out of town is coming in. A family member or roommate from college are also good people to lie about.
If you are a student say you have a paper due or an exam to study for. A presentation to give with your partners is another promising lie. Especially at the end of a semester.
So I hope that you have all benefitted from this little tutorial. Now go out there and practise! Just not on me.

Let's all count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

2006-04-03T10:05:00.000-05:00

What is so hard to understand about a book is due in 2 days, then counting the days? People check out 2 days reserve items they are told exactly when something is due and also given a receipt with the exact time, not to mention they can look in their account to see the same information.

Why then do they come in 3 days past the due time to return something and complain about when it is due?
Patron: "I think this book is overdue."
I check it in. "Yes, there's a $15 fine."
Patron with outraged then confused expression. "But.." he points to the tape on the book which says in large bold letters 2 day reserve.
Me: "Yes. That is a 2 day reserve item. It was due on March 30th"
Then the patron starts to count on his fingers. "Why is it $15, shouldn't it be $10?"
I tell him the due date and then count each day with him after that adding on the fine amount.
Patron remains looking outraged and stomps away.

Don't college admissions require basic math skills?! Aren't there also math requirements before graduation?! These people can't even count the number of days a 2 day reserve can be checked out or how many days late a book is after its overdue!

I think I'm going to start living hard b/c I don't want to live to be old enough for these fools to be running things!

Losing my sanity or headed toward sainthood?

2006-03-30T17:35:00.000-06:00

I have much to complain-uh-discuss about our current crop of student workers.
First up is Ms Stripes. She sent a note to the boss telling her that she was cutting her hours because she could no longer work the overwhelming schedule we set for her(7 hours a week)
But she sent it the day before her shift in a week when the library was decimated by illness, so the note went ignored and there were holes in our coverage. Oh how fun.
But we are not done. Oh not by a long shot. The very next week she tells us that she really can't work her Monday shift this week because of her classes.
If we need a favor she'll come in and close the place with me, but it's a burden.(Oh she didn't say it, but that was the gist of it)
I told her I'd find coverage for the entire night. One of the good students couldn't wait to augment his hours, so no problems there.
The boss was less than happy at this turn of events. I know she had a talk with Stripey. Not a fun time. >: }
Stripey either has no clue about many things or a real short-term memory problem.
I set her a project to do. It was very easy, almost no thinking involved. I foolishly believed it was moron-proof. Oh how wrong I was! She asked me the same question three times. "I am not sure I understand what you need me to do." and "I still don't know what to do" were common refrains all night. Even when I actually did some examples for her, she didn't get it. She said she did, but I have my doubts.
Then Dr. Nathan strikes! He 'borrowed' a set of keys from the library and didn't return them despite repeated e-mails to do so. It took three days to get our keys back.
And then when he showed for his shift I had to explain to him we don't actually pay him to stand around and talk to the patrons. We expect him to actually work.
He was pissed at me, I know. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the afternoon. I have to make him mad more often.

Cell Phone Usage

2006-03-29T15:52:00.000-06:00

On one of the circulation listservs there is currently a discussion about cell phone useage policy in libraries. Of one policy I'd hope there'd be no need for discussion - talking on the cell phone in the bathroom.

Why are they doing this? Do they enjoy the background sounds? The lovely acoustics a small tiled room provides? Is it an ambiance thing? All I know is that if anyone calls me on a cell phone from a bathroom they better be in the throes of death or there's gonna be a fight.

Funny, Ridiculous, or Inept?

2006-03-28T14:43:00.000-06:00

Found on one of those sites that searches blogs for particular words - under librarians there were a bunch of posts from people complaining b/c they had overdue items, fines, librarians wouldn't let them be loud, etc.

Umm... HELLO? Every single day I am amazed at the people who come into libraries and expect us to give them what ever they want. How do they not realize A)Everything in the world is not free, B)the Library serves the whole community not a single person, C) This is not Walmart, D)We are not servants, and E) They're idiots?

Amazed. Truly. Truly. Amazed.

Symphony of inefficiency

2006-03-25T18:18:00.000-06:00

I have noticed that on several levels at my institution, inefficiency runs rampant. Oh, this isn't news to me. I have accepted that my employer by virtue of its size has these problems. But for some reason today it bothered me more than usual.
Inefficiency is everywhere here. Even in organizations and committees that are pledged to stamp it out.
I was in a meeting today that meets to help "reform the work culture" and halfway through the meeting I was wondering where the agenda was. If we had one, which I highly doubt, we wandered so far off its path even a Sherpa guide with GPS and bloodhounds wouldn't have found us.
We spent the better part of an hour talking about how the institution needs to reform and how we could help it do that by picking apart the organizational chart.
In case you were wondering we haven't solved any problems yet. It's been at least six months.
Then at work the MSB shows up. A patron asked ME a question which I answered correctly based on what I knew about him. Then the MSB runs(well trots) out of the office and answers the question AGAIN while the guy was thanking me for the information and actually leaving the desk. If someone answers a question correctly why do you feel the need to repeat the information again? It seems very inefficient to me yet it happens all the time.
Then she made her usual ILL error. She mistook a lending request for a borrowing request. She didn't understand why someone here was asking for it if we already had it. And told me to cancel the request.
I had to tell her it was a lending request. I mean it said so right on the piece of paper.

Breaking idiot news!!!

2006-03-22T23:15:00.000-06:00

A woman attempted to use the library a while back. She started this journey by staring at our signs declaring "library hours" and then wandered away. She returned a few minutes later. She then stands in the entrance and asks, "Is this an entrance?" I answer yes, it's the only library entrance.
She either didn't understand or didn't hear me because I have to repeat myself. Finally she steps into the library and I have to tell her yes, this is the library entrance.
She announces she is looking for a book. She procedes to mumble the title and author and wants to know where we are keeping it. The Internet told her it was here(Apparently it talks to her). I ask for a call number sending her into a frenzy of paper searching and pocket emptying.
When she finds(finally) the call number, I give her directions(simplified) twice!!!to the area of the stacks it's in.
I know she wanted me to find it for her, but I was alone at the desk, so no dice.

When she comes back she complains to me how hard it was for her to find this book and how inconsiderate everyone else is to keep the other copies out for so long.
She mistakes my blank look of disbelief for concern and launches into a saga dating back four years ago about how she needed a specific book and didn't get it. It was missing then and according to her it's still missing since she never got it.
I should have asked her if she actually told anyone at the time the book is missing. Kinda hard to replace it if no one knows it's gone. Or if she re-requested it at any time in the past four years. But sometimes you just don't want to know.
She insisted she was familiar with the library system (she told me at first she worked here and then changed her story telling me it was her kid who was a reference librarian here) and its quirks and extras, but it was obvious to anyone who spends serious time in any library that she was way out of her depth.
She must be the bane of her public librarian.

Library News of Note

2006-03-22T09:17:00.000-06:00

Have you heard about the book dispensers they're installing in the underground in Sweden? (Probably you have, I am WAY behind on the news) Awesome idea!

Here are a couple article links about it:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1676969.html
http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=2809&date=20060106

They're poking at me.

2006-03-22T08:06:00.000-06:00

Don't they read the signs?!

Student still out sick and I am chained to the desk. Someone gave the patrons courage juice because they're all coming in to harass me. The girl who starts yelling "Hello?! Hello!" as soon as the door gets open far enough was just in. [I guess I forgot to previous write about her, I meant to...] This time I let her have it - "You need to approach the desk for someone to help you. There is always someone here and we always have the desk in sight but no one can see the door around the corner and 20 feet away - ok? Just come up to the desk and there will be someone to help you." She kept saying "Thank you" through my little explanation. Gosh! Shut up! I hate her. Luckily I saw that she has a bunch of fines on her account. Some day she will face me at her reckoning and I will remember her.

Gettin' old.

2006-03-21T14:52:00.000-06:00

So 2 of my students were out today so I was sole desk coverage for approximately 4 hours. I am pooped! There were lost books returned, missing books to search for, reserve book hell, weird phone calls, etc. I tell ya, I need a drink.

Funny: Guy walking along carrying his crutches.
Puzzle: Is that person a man or a woman? Sure, he/she is tall and muscular, but that pink blouse really makes the frosted hair snap!
Fool: Some guy returned a batch of public library books here. I have sent them off to our central mailroom where they will eventually be mailed back but I sure hope the person gets overdue fines b/c he's an idiot!
Victim: Some bimbo wants a reserve but she doesn't know the title. So, she picks one, I pull it and bring it out front then she says "Not that one". She does this 3 times before the right book. I've looked up her address and am going to go run her over later.

Where's Big Brother?

2006-03-21T10:28:00.000-06:00

Check out this classified/union coworker's workday thus far (all visible from the circ desk):

9:02 AM - arrive at the building, proceed to office.
9:03 AM - coworker who was waiting for her takes her out on break.
9:37 AM - woman & coworker arrive back from break, talk in the hall a few moments.
9:42 AM - Go into office unpack bag, brush hair, turn on computer, stare out window.
10:27 AM - leave for Yoga class.

I'm on the edge of my seat for the rest of the day.

10:33 AM - Holy Crap! I look across the way and notice the reference librarian is asleep at the desk! Do I wake him or pretend I'm busy and don't notice?

11:17 AM - Return from yoga, enter office.
11:27 AM - Ask formerly napping reference librarian some questions
12:26 AM - Go to lunch with same coworker as had break
1:17 PM - return from lunch, go into office.

Ballsy Telemarketer

2006-03-21T08:46:00.000-06:00

Every now and again we get a telemarketer calling up the library. More often than not they're hawking a "deal" on a particular magazine or trying to sell us their copy machines. Until today they have always identified who they are and asked to be transferred to acquisitions or the person "who purchases office supplies". Today though, a got the ballsiest telemarketer ever.

Here's what happened. I answer the circ phone, give my name & the institution. The woman asks to be transferred to the reference counter. (suspicion #1)
I reply that there is no one on reference duty at 8am can I help her?
She says, "Yeah, can you just tell me the model number of the printer there." (suspicion #2)
I ask, "You want the model number for the printer? Why?"
Her: "There was a mix up here with the paperwork and I just need to verify the model number of the printer. It should be on the front."
Me: "We don't have a printer at the reference DESK. Do you mean the printer nearest the reference desk?"
Her: "Yes, whatever the printer around there is." (suspicion #3 & #4)
Me: "I'm in view of all the printers on this floor, do you mean the one nearest the reference desk?"
Her: "Yes, the one nearest the reference desk. You can find the model right on front of the printer" (Hinky meter 99.9)
Me: "Yes maam. I know how to find the model number of the printer. If you'll wait I'll walk over to see what it is. Who did you say you were with?"
Her: "Blah-blah (really fast) from Microtech something or other." (Meter 100, suspicion #5-#7, b/c I heard a baby crying in the background)
I tell her what the model is, b/c frankly I can't see how this could adversely affect me or the institution and there's a possibility she works for our service contractor, of which I don't know the name, and I don't want to be a complete bitch.
The woman then ask me to transfer her to the director of my department. (director of a department?! Suspicion #8 - this woman has clearly no knowledge of how universities are structured.)
Me: "Do you mean the director of the library?"
As I'm going to look up the director's number she asks me to tell her the extension number - "Yes maam, I plan to give you the extension number before transferring you, but I need to look it up first." (suspicion #9) Then she asks my name, which I give her again (suspicion #10) and she says "oh yeah, you told me that before."

In the end I was more than happy to transfer this Ballsy (possibly even fraudulent, she clearly implied a relationship with this place) con artist to the director. He has no tolerance for crap, she will be crushed. mwah-ha-ha-ha

Ides of March vol. 2

2006-03-15T10:51:00.000-06:00

I was hoping that the universe would forget this most horrific of days.
Despite Loki's declaration last year that the Ides of March is not karmicly blighted for all time I was still a little uneasy.
And I was proved right. Read on and see if you don't agree.
First of all there is no milk at work, which has severely hampered my caffeine intake. There was milk yesterday.

Second the boss was giggling to herself today. That's usually a bad sign. And I was right. She hung around the office all day making comments about ILL and how we (me) have to be more detail oriented.
Then the one time I was able to escape the office she came into the stacks to find me. So she could leave early. So I was chained to the desk for the afternoon.
Again a karmic plot. If there was a day I needed to hide in the stacks, today was it.
The third thing to happen was a Canadian university called up to complain about the ILL item we sent to them. It turns out they asked for the wrong thing. Which they told me right off the bat. But it somehow became my fault for not reading their minds. They insisted we send the right item, and not charge them for either transaction. What is wrong with these people?
I say we track these anomalies to find out if it's just today or if there's another explanation. Full moon? How about high tides? Maybe spring fever? ANYTHING is better than being forever cursed by the Ides of March.

You know the day's gonna suck when...

2006-03-07T09:01:00.000-06:00

You have 7 people (SEVEN!) standing ouside the library yanking on the doors before we open.

You get a crazy lady who calls you on your office phone line before 8am and demands "Who is this?!" after you've answered with the institutions name and your own.

Common sense, ah where have you gone?

2006-03-06T17:00:00.000-06:00

Here's a question for the ages.
What do you do when someone comes up to the circ desk, plants a library book on the desk and ANNOUNCES that they are returning this book for Professor John Doe's assistant?
Would you a)discharge it and send it on to it's appointed rounds OR b) would you thank the patron and keep the book on the counter until the assistant appears some unknown time later and retrieves it? Foolishly I choose option A. It turns out I was wrong.
At least that's what the patron thought. Oh, she didn't say so. She went all passive-agressive on me. "It's not your fault, it's not mine, no one was wrong, BUT you should have done yada, yada. When there's a but in that sentence then you are telling me I am wrong. So just SAY so, and we will correct any illusions you still hold about my compentence and your horrific grammar.
What happened was this patron, (she said she was a professor) had borrowed a book another patron had on hold. This professor was giving some speech or writing a paper (not sure which and I don't really care.) and there was apparently a seminal article in this book that someone else had the gall to check out.
So this very nice assistant let her photocopy the article she needed. Now I come into the story. I discharge the book and thank her. Now she tells me that she really didn't want me to check in the book. Why she gave it to me then escapes me. If she didn't want me to check it in, she should have said, I am returning this book TO so and so. Could you hold it for him? Instead of saying FOR so and so. There's a huge difference grammatically. One's a question and the other a statement(actually a command the way she said it.)
I tried to explain that it actually didn't make a difference since the books was still on hold for the guy. But no, since I am only a librarian I am wrong in her deluded mind.
She goes into this long rambling monologue, which made little sense. Apparently the assistant he checked the book out(not really, but I wasn't going into that) to let her use so she could finish her paper/speech, since if she didn't use this article everyone would laugh at her.(too late) Now she had to give the book back to him, but he wasn't around and she was late, so she was giving it to us to hold on to until he came to get it. Which is what she told me to do in the first place. Uh-no you didn't.
She then launched into another monologue about the assistant and who he was and how nice he is and whose assistant he is(she had no idea). "But he is so nice and generous. He let me use the book, even though he doesn't even know me."
Sigh. I took an informal poll asking about the meaning of the sentence she used. My boss, 2 students(one a former English teacher) and Librarian Loki all agreed that the professor said she told me she wanted the book checked in. The only dissent was Dr. Nathan and we already know he doesn't count.
I wouldn't let her water my plants, never mind check out a book that I was responsible for. But that's me. And she was right about one thing. The assistant is very nice and generous. We shall have to have a talk with him about that.
Being nice is good, but common sense is better. There needs to be a name change for common sense. Not so common sense would be a good contender. I like the sense that everyone needs to have and use, but doesn't. How about what the hell were you thinking sense?
Any other ideas?

Security!

2006-02-28T10:39:00.000-06:00

I'm not quite sure, but I think there was just an attempt on my life. One of the administrative support staff rolled around in a vat of perfume then came into my office to yabber at me. I stopped breathing and would have lost consciousness if a large group of students had not walked by at that second and created enough of a draft to allow me to fight my way out of the office! Looks like I'll be spending the morning at the front desk until I can trick one of my students into testing the office air.

Lazy gene found in Library goers.

2006-02-23T15:00:00.000-06:00

(Rooters) Basement room, ivory tower. Results of a recent study have shown that people who use the library may be lazy. The study examined the habits of those using the library compared with those seen other places around. Researchers came to the conclusion that library goers were indeed a lazy lot.

"This study just confirms what I've always said, patrons are lazy bastards" Librarian Nike replied in response to the results of the study. The results measured things like use of the handicap door - 9 out of 10 library goers would push the handicap button to have the door automatically opened for them instead of opening the door for themselves - and retrieval of books - 8 out of 10 library goers would spend time logging onto a computer, filling out a long request form for a book, waiting for the library staff to receive the request and walk the 15 feet to the shelf, pull it, and process the request, all of which takes upwards of 2 days. In comparison, it was found, only 2 out of 10 mall goers pushed the handicap button and only 1 out of 10 people at the grocery store tried to convince staff to shop for them.

This study is sure to provide much to debate for genetists and robot scientists, but doesn't really impress librarians. Librarian Loki believes the study was a big waste of time and money: "What, they couldn't just look in the building and see all the people sprawled out sleeping and slouching along dragging their feet to tell they're lazy? I sure could have used that guy counting the people hitting the handicap button to dust the bookshelves!" It would seem in this case that science has proven it still has much to learn.

New horizons, same old idiots

2006-02-17T17:50:00.000-06:00

I am bettering myself this semester, yet again. This time no on-line classes with wine and music. Oh woe.
This is a class that is offered by my work that they happily agreed, nay, insisted that I take.
It's a fun library class. (Okay that sounds like an oxymoron) But it is really.
Mostly because I know most of the answers. But there are problems.
My fellow classmates oh so lively.
In a two and a half hour class the five of them can maybe string 2 sentences together.
Maybe I am too hard on them. Maybe they are stupid and really don't know the answers. But when they offer multiple choices you can just pick one.
And this week one of my classmates (Mr. C. for clueless) came in and started to ask me all sorts of questions about the homework. Where do you find this database? Where did you find the answer to number 3? Show me how to use the internet again.
I showed him the links that the assignment gave us and told him how to use the OPAC and even gave pointers. But that's not good enough. He wanted me to actually do his assignment for him. Oh he didn't say that. But after 20 minutes of the same questions like What database did you use? And what was your answer to this? And my personal favorite--"Show me how to get to the New York Times" I refused.
Okay, I get paid to know this stuff. And yes I am expected to help patrons with questions. But if you are taking a class on how to use the library you should actually make an effort to USE the library!!!!!!

Important Website

2006-02-17T11:38:00.000-06:00

Check out the Chilling Effect Clearinghouse.

The cease & desist letters people have gotten are very scary. The things companies and persons (from the letters) are trying to go after is frightening. This is a great site to go to find out what's going on in regards copyright & cyberspace.

Ok. What the hell?

2006-02-15T16:13:00.000-06:00

Just in the restroom. [Why do frightening things happen in there?] While I was in there, but not near or in line for the faucet, if you get my trying to be discreet meaning, another girl turned on the water to wash her hands. It was running. Then she walked over to the hand dryer... water STILL running. Used the hand dryer, opened the door and left. She kept the water faucet running!

What. In. The. Hell?

Its not broken, its not super quiet, if I'd had my stupid stick I would have chased her down and let her have it!

Stupid stick v.3

2006-02-15T15:48:00.000-06:00

I have blogged about one of the new students before. Ms. Stripes. After this most recent episode I have to conclude even a marathon beating with the stupid stick won't help.
Read and see if you don't agree.

I sent her to pick up and bring back loose books. People do tend to leave things all over. And then complain they can't find stuff. I also wanted her to shelve in the reference room. It's been quiet overall, so I figured it would take her 30 minutes. I sent her on this easy errand about an hour before closing time. She came back at 10 minutes after closing. With no books and an empty book cart.
Then she wanted to check out a book. What the hell? She knew we were closed. I turned off the lights!
Big hint, girlie.
Do they make stupid tazers? Cause with her I am thinking we need to update the technology.

Are you a big fiction reader?

2006-02-09T13:28:00.000-06:00

A database I am in love with Fiction Connection!

So much fun if you're a big fiction reader. I love the "find similar" - finally a new list of authors I haven't heard of and need to try! For a short time, life is good.

Someone hasn't quite gotten the point

2006-02-07T10:54:00.000-06:00

When they use a scanner to create a seperate pdf for each page. I think the old fashion copier would better serve you guy.

Student woes

2006-02-06T19:02:00.000-06:00

I am missing something here. We had to hire a new student because one of the good ones(why do they always go MIA?) had to stop working.
This new student, while cheerful and an industrious scholar, has little clue about working.
Case in point. She(let's call her Stripes after her hair style) has yet to finish filling out her paperwork. Stripes has worked here without getting paid for 3 weeks now. While that's good for us budget-wise, the red tapers don't like that.
Every time she comes in she asks another question about her paperwork. It's not hard! Fill it out, bring it in the next day and if you have questions ask them then!
And when you tell her that the AA will be in the next day to process her forms she disappears for a week.

Dr. Nathan needs a lesson in body language. Picture it. The circ desk, last week. Here he is sitting at the circ desk 'working' but he is actually hunched over his book. He's practically in the fetal position. With all due apologies to turtles that's what he reminded me of.
Then someone comes up to the desk wanting help. Dr. N. doesn't even see him. This is not good customer service. The guy waits for a minute or two before actually speaking up.
Which shocked the hell out of our resident moron.
He has two extremes. The first is fetal position studying(which can't be good for your back) where he pretty much ignores everyone in an attempt to look studious, and the other is verbal diarrhea, where we get to hear about his career plans, life before here, his family problems or whatever ad nauseum.
I much prefer fetal position studying.

Sizzling Spam

2006-02-03T11:54:00.000-06:00

As if I don't have enough crazy...

For some reason, the 12/29/04 post about book carts drives the spammers wild! Today I deleted another 5 spams! (cat fishing and a chocolate fondue fountain were amongst the highlights)

I hadn't started counting, but I know I've deleted 4 spams in the past.

I don't know much about these blog spams, but I think it should be a little research project of mine. After my psych evaluation of course.

Uh-oh.

2006-02-03T10:24:00.000-06:00

I had a dream last night that my director sent me to a psychiatrist for stress. This can not be good. Perhaps my subconscious is telling me to stop mumbling kill kill kill.

I have GOT to get a camera phone!

2006-02-02T15:43:00.000-06:00

Spied a female student (not one of those alternative types) coming out of the bathroom:

emerald green jeans falling a fashionable 2" above ankle, royal purple sweater, white t-shirt underneath hanging out, black socks, white and blue floral open toed sandals!

he he he... I needed that laugh.

Spam in the library

2006-01-31T00:37:00.000-06:00

Now you might be thinking this is a rant-y(is that a word?) post. But really it's not.
I am not saying I am in favor of being bombarded with advertisements for things like V!a gr@, C1aL1s. And I really don't have money to invest in the stock market, but thanks anyway. And my personal favorite, how to enlarge certain organs to an AMAZING size.
Hmm, I wonder what the success rate is for those drugs when there's no organ to work with in the first place?
Things I wonder about as I am deleting my spam folder. Yes, I have a special in-box for spam.
And that does annoy me. That I need one. But overall I look at spam as a free laugh. Especially to the general library account. When you are sending spam and viruses to an e-mail account that says circdesk@*******.edu do you really think that a header entitled CRAZY ILLEGAL SEX!!! is going to make it past the trash? Or how about Pharmacy spelled with an F and 4 A's?
Little tip for you spammers out there reading this. Librarians have to learn to spell before they let us graduate. It's one of those stupid little requirements of Library school. Damned spelling quizzes on the GRE.
So thanks for the laugh. But you can stop now. The patrons have complained that the hysterical laughter from behind the circ desk is distracting them from important things like listening to their Ipod or talking on the cell phone and abusing books.
Really.

Yeah, My stack has completely blown.

2006-01-30T13:27:00.000-06:00

So, It's my turn to check the library general email account - handle all those pesky problems. I see there are about 40 pages of emails in the inbox. As that really annoys my fluctuating type A, I decide to go through and try to delete the ones older than 3 months. I am happily deleting when I run across a very angry email from a professor. Since he was quite the jerk, I was curious to see what the librarian who got the email said in response. So, I flip to the sent folder. 15 pages there. I find the email, I read it, and I completely blow my stack. The person who got it was an ass-kisser who was brought in for a term position. She goes on in her email about how whoever had done things before her had slacked off on the job, its there fault, but that now that she's here such things will never happen. No fooling! She did a whole long letter with this kind of crap, but written in a polished letter form. I can NOT believe she did that! At best she's an egomaniac kiss-up, at worst the director and all other staff in the library are complete fools!

She thinks she's so professional too. She is on my list. Watch for her, b/c I am going to make a point of highlighting her shenanigans often here from now on!

All is Right.

2006-01-30T07:54:00.000-06:00

Here I thought I had been going soft. I haven't noticed very much idiocy lately in the patrons. Thankfully, I discovered this morning its not me, it was just a slow couple of weeks.

8am this morning. I am not visible from the very front of the circ desk, but I can see the desk. I hear the doors open. I hear feet drag along the carpet for 2 steps. (ps I HATE that! Why the heck don't people pick up their feet?!) I'm waiting for them to get within 7 feet of the desk, which is the area I can see, before I come out from my spot where I'm working. Beyond 7 feet I can't see yet. So, the steps stopped after 2, immediately some BIMBO yells out "Is someone there?!" Ok, first off - this is a library! No yelling! Second, no one of any sense would think you need help at a desk when you are about 10 feet from it. Grrr. I'm not a concierge or a valet, it is not my job to pounce on you before the door closes behind you.

Needless to say, I came out, but I was very short with the ~~pinhead~~ patron. She just wanted to return a book too! She didn't even approach the desk until I was standing at it directly in front of her. Then she lifts up her huge bag, wet!, plops it on the desk and begins to root around in it. I yanked that book out of her hand, said 'thank you' - but not like I really meant it, and walked away. Grrr.

A due date means something is DUE on that date.

2006-01-26T14:52:00.000-06:00

I don't know why this is so hard to understand for people. When a book is due - it's DUE. When you check out a reserve, you do so next to the large sign telling you what happens if you do not return the book by the overdue time. You get a receipt with the due date & time. The student tells you when exactly the book is due and reminds you - in case you can't read the sign - that you get fines if the book is returned after that time.

Let's review:
What will happen if you do not return the book when it is due? You will be fined.

Exceptions?
Why sure. If you die. If you are in a coma or otherwise unconscious in a hospital and you can produce documentation if required. If you've been jailed or kidnapped. All excuses will have their fines forgiven until you can return the book.

Phoning or emailing us on the due date informing us you can't return the item today because you have to work, your car broke, your flight was delayed, you've got a headache, your mom needs you to clean the garage - none of these count. You knew when you took the book when it was due. You were accepting responsibility for the items return and if the outside world affected your plans the book is still your responsibility.

How can people not get this?

Bizarre

2006-01-24T23:22:00.000-06:00

A few random happenings today.
First of all some funny names. A Mr. Charme and a Mr. Purpel.
I want to know who the Purpel guy thinks he's fooling. We all know he changed the spelling.
Second, the vanishing books. Several books disappeared from their spots only yesterday. Then later on they mysteriously re-appeared. Just in time for me to find them all. Highly suspicious.
Then the most unusual thing of all. Someone left their boots in the library. In the middle of the reading room to be exact. Both of them. How do you forget your boots? It's not like an umbrella or your keys or a glove or something.
And in January?! Did you have another pair? Were you wearing really heavy socks?
People have left things here before. Laptops, CD's, umbrellas, hats, notebooks, food, I once found a postcard from New Zealand near a copier. But shoes? I don't get it. It was however very funny.
So, what's the strangest thing that's been left in your library?

Hoot-hoot goes the Loon.

2006-01-20T13:30:00.000-06:00

There is so much going on this just made me laugh!

I get a call at the desk. A foreign student starts right in yelling at me, yes, yelling, that I didn't check in her book. She returned it. She put it in the slot. She returned it. Remove it from her account. Blah blah. Since there was no pauses in her ranting, I had to cut right in and ask for her ID #. "No." she says to me. No? She has already launched into my yelling about her returned book, I am trying to talk over her to get her to shut up and give me her ID when she goes "Fine, 243556993882" and then starts yelling again. Lucky for her I have a good memory for numbers b/c I had to catch all that in a half a second. I exercise my toon-out ability and type in the number while she is yelling at me more "I returned the book. I returned the book. I returned the book."

I finally get her record, guess that the overdue item is the 'returned book' and tell her (cuttin in of course) that we'll search for the book and let her know. "No! I returned the book. Remove it right now! (She's really screaming now) I was just there and returned the book, remove it!"

"Wait a minute." I say. "When did you return this book?"
"Right now. Just this minute!" She screams.
"You mean, within the last 5 minutes you returned this book?"
"YES!"
My pardon to religious folks, but christ! "We are very busy. If it was just returned it is still in the book return and it won't be checked in until we have the time."
She grumbled a bit more then hung up.

Now, that is just crazy. She comes in, returns the book, then obviously runs to the nearest computer not in this building and checks her book account to see if it was removed. Who does that?

Mark and remember.

2006-01-19T17:39:00.000-06:00

Had a screamer in today. Ranting and raving about his 25.00 overdue fine. He claims he checked out a 2 hour reserve and returned it about 45 minutes earlier.
He protested excessively about the fine. He even had his dates wrong. He said he checked it out on Wednesday when he had checked it out on Tuesday. There was no record of him checking anything out on Wednesday.
I pointed that out to him several times and he insisted I was wrong. It's not me, but you might want to be careful about who you accuse of being wrong there fine boy.
He got all happy and less loud when I told him I would forgive the fine. I then gave him advice on how to avoid this from happening again. Ask for a date due slip or a receipt. He was Very Uninterested in that advice.
And what made me even more suspicious he kept ranting about how the student was all wrong and had had trouble checking the item out to him.
So I check his account. Surprise! This is the fourth time he has had major fines on his account all on a 2 hour reserve item. And maybe this will shock some of you, but all were forgiven on account of 'error.'
Not anymore. He has a note in his fine account now. HA HA!

Classic

2006-01-12T11:41:00.000-06:00

Patron: "Why don't you send me an electronic notice when books I've ordered come in?"

Me: "We do sir. Can I see your ID so I can verify your email address."

Patron: "ok"

Me: "Is this your email address? blah blah .edu?"

Patron: "Yes."

Me: "Well then, you should be getting email notices."

Patron: "Where do they go?"

Me: "To your email account. Do you check this email account often?"

Patron: "Check where? Doesn't it just come up on my computer?"

Me: " You have to have a mail client to receive email of any sort. Do you have one of these set up on your computer?

Patron: "I don't know what that is. My email just comes up."

Me: "Why don't you just call and ask us if something comes in?"

Patron: "OH! Ok, that'd be great."

Around the bend

2006-01-12T09:46:00.000-06:00

I don't know if it is the colder weather, the new year, or the excess of fat in people's bodies, but they are driving me crazy with book returns. One by one they come in and stand around to personally hand me their ONE book return.

"You don't have to wait for staff you know. You can return books in this huge slot & bin that you are standing directly in front of. Right under the "Return books here" sign."

"Oh, I just want to make sure its checked in."

Patrons everywhere here is an important notice: We check in everything. The percentage that slips through the cracks is less than 1%. And those? They usually come about because people don't put the books in the bins. Put it on the counter or insist on handing it to us when we're busy with the 40 other things, well, then they sometimes get missed.